to tantalize the party till about the time that
the beverage ought to have been flowing, when Spigot took them off. The
flatness then became flatter. Nevertheless, Jack worked away in his usual
carnivorous style, and finished by paying his respects to all the sweets,
jellies, and things in succession. He never got any of these, he said, at
'home,' meaning at Lord Scamperdale's--Amelia thought, if she was 'my
lady,' he would not get any meat there either.

[Illustration: ENTER MR. JACK SPRAGGON, FULL DRESS]

At length Jack finished; and having discussed cheese, porter, and red
herrings, the cloth was drawn, and a hard-featured dessert, consisting
principally of apples, followed. The wine having made a couple of
melancholy circuits, the strained conversation about came to a full stop,
and Spigot having considerately placed the little round table, as if to
keep the peace between them, the ladies left the male worthies to discuss
their port and sherry together. Jack, according to Woodmansterne fashion,
unbuttoned his waistcoat, and stuck his legs out before him--an example
that Mr. Sponge quickly followed, and each assumed an attitude that as good
as said 'I don't care twopence for you.' A dead silence then prevailed,
interrupted only by the snap, snap, snapping of Jack's toothpick against
his chair-edge, when he was not busy exploring his mouth with it. It seemed
to be a match which should keep silence longest. Jack sat Squinting his
eyes inside out at Sponge, while Sponge pretended to be occupied with the
fire. The wine being with Sponge, and at length wanting some, he was
constrained to make the first move, by passing it over to Jack, who helped
himself to port and sherry simultaneously--a glass of sherry after dinner
(in Jack's opinion) denoting a gentleman. Having smacked his lips over
that, he presently turned to the glass of port. He checked his hand in
passing it to his mouth, and bore the glass up to his nose.

'Corked, by Jove!' exclaimed he, setting the glass down on the table with a
thump of disgust.

It is curious what unexpected turns things sometimes take in the world, and
how completely whole trains of well-preconcerted plans are often turned
aside by mere accidents such as this. If it hadn't been for the corked
bottle of port, there is no saying but these two worthies would have held a
Quakers' meeting without the 'spirit' moving either of them.

'Corked, by Jove!' exclaimed Jack.

'It is!' rejoined S