ketches of places away from
Town are also written in London?

_Smith_. Not a bit of it! I happen to know that the papers spend
thousands and thousands upon obtaining information in every quarter of
the globe. Bogus articles are things of the past.

_Brown_. Only fancy! And all this expense for nothing in the recess!
When no one reads the papers!

_Smith_. Yes, and when there's nothing in them!

[_They resume perusal of their papers until interrupted by a
tunnel. Curtain._

* * * * *

THE BRITISH ASSOCIATION.

[Illustration]

Oh, Sir, I read the papers every day,
To amuse myself and pass the time away;
But they've got so hard to follow that they simply beat me hollow
With the learning and the culture they display;
And they wouldn't be so hard if those good people down at Cardiff
Would but be a shade more careful what they say.

The President's address, I think, will tax
My intellectual organ till it cracks;
The Association British isn't wanted to be skittish,
Wear the motley, nor to run a race in sacks;
But 'twas getting awkward rather when my youngest asked his father
What the President implied by parallax.

The money market often puzzles me;
I've no notion what the Funding Loan may be;
In the sales of corn (Odessa), jute and sago, I confess a
Sort of feeling that I'm very much at sea;
But couldn't the reporter keep this science rather shorter,
Or at any rate provide us with a key?

* * * * *

QUEER QUERIES.

HOUSE DECORATION.--What am I to do under the following circumstances?
I took a house a year ago, and painted the outside scarlet, with gold
"facings," to remind me--and my neighbours--of the fact that I am
highly connected with the Army, my deceased wife's half-brother having
once held some post in the Commissariat. I am leaving the house now,
and my landlord actually insists on my scraping all the paint off! He
says that if any bulls happen to pass the house, they will be sure to
run at it. Am I obliged to yield to this ridiculous caprice?--LOVER OF
THE PICTURESQUE.

* * * * *

[Illustration: ALL-ROUND POLITICIANS.--SIR RICHARD.

_Mr. Punch's Parliamentary Artist reads in the Papers that Sir Richard
T---- does not intend to Stand for Parliament again!_]

* * * * *

SEASIDE ASIDES.

(_PA