of "going off," giving friend or foe a bite.
And be clubbed to death or shot, murdered in my master's sight,
Don't suit _me_!

Never mind the fussy frumps, the old women of each sex;
Better raise their ready wrath than the prudent public vex
With crass rules.
Muzzles now and collars then, partial orders soon relaxed;
Men rebel when with caprice they are tied, or teased, or taxed,
Else they're fools.

Keep the muzzles on a year, regularly, and _all round_,
Every doggy of high breed, mongrel puppy, whelp or hound,
Will give thanks
To the Minister who tries hydrophobia to stamp out
Once for all o'er all the land, with consistency, and without
Pottering pranks!

Mr. CHAPLIN, take my tip! Science speaks in the same sense,
So does true philanthropy. Ought to have effect immense,
What they say.
Heed not that old woman there, with her spoilt and yelping pet;
I for every dog of _nous_ in the country speak, you bet.
Try! _Good_-day!

[_Trots out, comfortably muzzled_.

* * * * *

MOST APPROPRIATE.--We see, from some recently-reported proceedings,
that the present Inspector appointed under the Infant Life Protection
Act is "Mr. BABEY."

* * * * *

[Illustration: THE SECRETS OF LITERARY COMPOSITION.

_The Fair Authoress of "Passionate Pauline," gazing fondly at her own
reflection, writes as follows:--_

"I look into the glass, Reader. What do I see?

"I see a pair of laughing, _espiegle_, forget-me-not blue eyes,
saucy and defiant; a _mutine_ little rose-bud of a mouth, with
its ever-mocking _moue_; a tiny shell-like ear, trying to play
hide-and-seek in a tangled maze of rebellious russet gold; while, from
underneath the satin folds of a _rose-the_ dressing-gown, a dainty
foot peeps coyly forth in its exquisitely-pointed gold morocco
slipper," &c., &c.

(_Vide "Passionate Pauline," by Parbleu._)]

* * * * *

A COMING MEETING.

(_REPORTED FROM THE RAILWAY INTELLIGENCE OF 1892._)

The Chairman, who on opening the proceedings was received with a
feeble chorus of melancholy groans, said that he feared he had no
better Report to make to the shareholders. ("_Oh! oh!_") It is
true that he had one fact to mention, which was a matter of supreme
congratulation, and he needn't say that that was that they hadn't
yi