Music a woman went on
singing until the enemy aeroplanes were driven away from London.

***

Certain meatstuffs unfit for human consumption may now be used in the
manufacture of dog biscuits. The news has been received with much
satisfaction by several dogs, who have now promised to cut out postmen
from their menu.

***

When the Middlesex Sessions were about to commence, a bell warning
people of the air raid was sounded, and the Justices immediately
advised people to take shelter. No notice was taken of the suggestion
made by several prisoners who expressed the view that the safest place
was the street.

***

In view of the fact that the animals at the Zoological Gardens are on
war rations, the R.S.P.C.A. especially request very stout people not
to cause annoyance to the tigers by parading up and down in front of
their cages.

***

During the last air raid the windows of one house were blown outwards,
the plaster and ceiling fell, and doors were thrown off their hinges,
and yet the occupant--a woman--experienced surprise on hearing that
the house had been struck by a bomb. She was under the impression that
a new bus route had been opened.

***

"Candidates for the diplomatic service," says Lord ROBERT CECIL,
"will after the War be largely drawn from persons of talent." It is
not known who first thought of this, but it just shows what a pull
politicians have over ordinary people when it comes to thinking out
things.

***

At the St. Pancras Tribunal last week an applicant said his only
remaining partner had been ill in bed for some weeks, and the Chairman
of the Tribunal promptly remarked, "Obviously a sleeping partner."
This joke has been duly noted by a well-known revue manager, and as
soon as a cast has been engaged an entirely new and topical review
will be written round it.

***

The policy of air reprisals advocated by a section of the Press has
found much support. Indeed one prominent pacifist has even threatened
to put out his tongue at the next covey of enemy aeroplanes which
visits this country.

***

The raspberry crop in Scotland is to be taken over by Lord RHONDDA.
The rumour that it is to be used for Army jam has had a most
demoralising effect upon the market in imported tomatoes.

***

Mysteriously, in the night, a pile of shells representing thirteen
thousand eggs was deposited on a common outside Munich. This evi