of being wealthy, the misery of being handsome, the
disadvantage of a divine moustache and a dimple in the chin, the
affliction of having wavy hair and dark eyes, the forlorn condition of a
man who is very clever, who never makes a bad joke, who is such "good
company," such a "jolly dog," such a "happy creature" and "fortunate
fellow"! Oh the calamity of possessing a romantic country-seat and fine
horses!--the ill-starred luck of a person who is always finding a moon
that shines beautifully, a sun that is never too hot, long walks that
cannot be too long, and drives that are "_so_ delightful"!

I am the unhappy victim of a fate which in spiteful mood gifted me
beyond my fellow-men. I might have had my share of enjoyment in the
world, as mediocre people have, but my perfections are in my way at
every turn, continually marring my prospects. A superficial observer
might think that these advantages would have the contrary effect--that I
should be more fortunate than others--but my story will prove my
assertion. Take, for example, my difficulties as a "marrying man." I
will relate my experience during the past three years, and you can judge
for yourself.

CHAPTER I.

My good mother (may Heaven reward her!) often advised me to marry
betimes. "Marry early in life, my dear Charles," she would say, "but
marry a woman _worthy_ of you."

In her solicitude my mother foresaw the difficulty of the task she had
set before me. She had known and admired me from childhood, and of
course appreciated my worth. I remember her sad but affectionate gaze as
she spoke, and I, unconscious of the future, smiled to reassure her.
With the simplicity inseparable from great natures, I did not value the
treasures I possessed. I was as the poet before he has touched his
lyre--as the sculptor ere he has found his marble. Since then the years
have brought knowledge. My eyes have been opened by the actions of those
around me--by the admiration I excite whenever I appear; by the respect
with which I am listened to when I speak; by the warmth with which I am
welcomed wherever I visit. I could produce many examples to illustrate
my gradual awakening, but they would be irrelevant to my subject.

I earnestly desired to fulfill my mother's wishes, and as soon as it
seemed proper after her decease I set out on my quest as on a
pilgrimage. The task which requires from most men some six weeks' or
three months' time, perhaps a few moments snatched fro