minimising all its possible defects, and finally
insisting that no power in Europe has turned out such a handy,
powerful, and serviceable rifle._

_Mrs. Britannia_. Ah, well, I don't profess to understand the
practical working of the weapon. But I have trusted you implicitly
to provide me with a good one, and this being, as you tell me, what I
want, I herewith place it the hands of my Army. (_Presents the rifle
to TOMMY ATKINS._) Here, ATKINS, take your rifle, and I hope you'll
know how to use it.

_Tommy Atkins_ (_with a broad grin_). Thank'ee, Ma'am. I hope I shall,
for I shall be in a precious 'ole if I don't.

[_Flourish of newspaper articles, general congratulatory
chorus on all sides, as Act-drop descends._

ACT II.

_A Battle-field in time of War. Enter TOMMY ATKINS with his
rifle. In the interval, since the close of the last Act, he is
supposed to have been thoroughly instructed in its proper use,
and, though on one or two occasions, owing to disregard of
some trifling precaution, he has found it "jam," still, in the
leisure of the practice-field, he has been generally able to
get it right again, and put it in workable order. He is now
hurrying along in all the excitement of battle, and in face of
the enemy, of whom a batch appear on the horizon in front of
him, when the word is given to "fire."_

_Tommy Atkins_ (_endeavours to execute the order, but he finds
something "stuck," and his rifle refuses to go off._) Dang it! What's
the matter with the beastly thing! It's that there bolt that's caught
agin' (_thumps it furiously in his excitement and makes matters
worse._) Dang the blooming thing; I can't make it go. (_Vainly
endeavours to recall some directions, committed in calmer moments, to
memory._) Drop the bolt? No! that ain't it. Loose this 'ere pin (_tugs
frantically at a portion of the mechanism._) 'Ang me if I can make
it go! (_Removes a pin which suddenly releases the magazine_), well,
I've done it now and no mistake. Might as well send one to fight with
a broomstick. (_A shell explodes just behind him._) Well, _I am in
a 'ole_ and no mistake. [_Battle proceeds with results as Act-drop
falls._

* * * * *

OLD FRENCH SAW RE-SET.--FROM _THE STANDARD_, NOVEMBER 14:--

"The duel between M. DEROULEDE and M. LAGUERRE occurred
yesterday morning in the neighbourhood of Charleroi, in
Belgium. Four shots were exc