that was, and Gud saw that it was not good--for he
had nothing at all to do. So Gud thought he would listen to his heart
beat; but alas, he could not hear his heart beat for there was no time
for his heart to beat to.

So Gud decided that he would do nothing, but alas he could do nothing
for there was nothing to do; and Gud feared nothing, for it did not
exist, and like all of us, Gud most feared that which does not exist.

So Gud repented him that he had ordained that eternity be over and done;
and that he had destroyed the universe and all that was therein
contained, save himself and space.

Then Gud said to himself, there being no one else to talk to: "I must
find something to do, or I shall go mad."

Since Gud knew all things, and remembered all things, he recalled that
men in whose image he was made, also frequently retired prematurely from
business and were hard put for something to do. Gud remembered also that
great men, even though they were not as great as he, when finding
themselves in similar circumstances, sometimes wrote their
autobiographies.

So Gud decided to write his autobiography. And Gud wrote it. He wrote it
instantaneously, there being no time in which to write it. Gud did not
write it upon tables of stone, as there was no stone out of which to
make the tables; and besides there was no gravity and hence the stones
would have floated away.

So Gud wrote his autobiography on nothing. But as Gud knew all things
he saw no need of writing them down, since there was no one else to read
them, and so he really never wrote his autobiography on anything.
However when he had finished the manuscript, he sent it to a publisher.

And waited....

Gud received but little satisfaction from writing his autobiography
because it was never published. Had Gud been a true literary artist this
would have made no difference, since to the true artist the plaudits and
ducats of the multitude have no meaning whatever. But the ducats of the
multitude are the only reason publishers ever publish books, as any
honest publisher will tell you. The reason that you do not know this is
because you have not been told, and the reason that you have not been
told is because publishers hate publicity.

But, while Gud was not a true artist, as any critic who has looked at
his work could tell you, yet he was a good artisan and had considerable
experience in his craft, which was that of creating things. So now,
receiving no satisf