ing of him
now; and so, as the objection was fully answered, the question remained
still unanswered, Why am I a whore now? Nor indeed had I anything to say
for myself, even to myself; I could not without blushing, as wicked as I
was, answer that I loved it for the sake of the vice, and that I
delighted in being a whore, as such; I say, I could not say this, even
to myself, and all alone, nor indeed would it have been true. I was
never able, in justice and with truth, to say I was so wicked as that;
but as necessity first debauched me, and poverty made me a whore at the
beginning, so excess of avarice for getting money and excess of vanity
continued me in the crime, not being able to resist the flatteries of
great persons; being called the finest woman in France; being caressed
by a prince; and afterwards, I had pride enough to expect and folly
enough to believe, though indeed without ground, by a great monarch.
These were my baits, these the chains by which the devil held me bound,
and by which I was indeed too fast held for any reasoning that I was
then mistress of to deliver me from.

But this was all over now; avarice could have no pretence. I was out of
the reach of all that fate could be supposed to do to reduce me; now I
was so far from poor, or the danger of it, that I had L50,000 in my
pocket at least; nay, I had the income of L50,000, for I had L2500 a
year coming in upon very good land security, besides three or four
thousand pounds in money, which I kept by me for ordinary occasions,
and, besides, jewels, and plate, and goods which were worth near L5600
more; these put together, when I ruminated on it all in my thoughts, as
you may be sure I did often, added weight still to the question, as
above, and it sounded continually in my head, "What next? What am I a
whore for now?"

It is true this was, as I say, seldom out of my thoughts, but yet it
made no impressions upon me of that kind which might be expected from a
reflection of so important a nature, and which had so much of substance
and seriousness in it.

But, however, it was not without some little consequences, even at that
time, and which gave a little turn to my way of living at first, as you
shall hear in its place.

But one particular thing intervened besides this which gave me some
uneasiness at this time, and made way for other things that followed. I
have mentioned in several little digressions the concern I had upon me
for my children, and i