s your chance for them. Talk of the Ionic and Eleatic schools--of
Archytas, Gorgias, and Alcmaeon. Say something about objectivity and
subjectivity. Be sure and abuse a man named Locke. Turn up your nose at
things in general, and when you let slip any thing a little too absurd,
you need not be at the trouble of scratching it out, but just add
a footnote and say that you are indebted for the above profound
observation to the 'Kritik der reinem Vernunft,' or to the 'Metaphysithe
Anfongsgrunde der Noturwissenchaft.' This would look erudite
and--and--and frank.

"There are various other tones of equal celebrity, but I shall mention
only two more--the tone transcendental and the tone heterogeneous. In
the former the merit consists in seeing into the nature of affairs a
very great deal farther than anybody else. This second sight is very
efficient when properly managed. A little reading of the 'Dial' will
carry you a great way. Eschew, in this case, big words; get them as
small as possible, and write them upside down. Look over Channing's
poems and quote what he says about a 'fat little man with a delusive
show of Can.' Put in something about the Supernal Oneness. Don't say
a syllable about the Infernal Twoness. Above all, study innuendo. Hint
everything--assert nothing. If you feel inclined to say 'bread and
butter,' do not by any means say it outright. You may say any thing
and every thing approaching to 'bread and butter.' You may hint at
buck-wheat cake, or you may even go so far as to insinuate oat-meal
porridge, but if bread and butter be your real meaning, be cautious, my
dear Miss Psyche, not on any account to say 'bread and butter!'"

I assured him that I should never say it again as long as I lived. He
kissed me and continued:

"As for the tone heterogeneous, it is merely a judicious mixture,
in equal proportions, of all the other tones in the world, and
is consequently made up of every thing deep, great, odd, piquant,
pertinent, and pretty.

"Let us suppose now you have determined upon your incidents and tone.
The most important portion--in fact, the soul of the whole business,
is yet to be attended to--I allude to the filling up. It is not to be
supposed that a lady, or gentleman either, has been leading the life of
a book worm. And yet above all things it is necessary that your article
have an air of erudition, or at least afford evidence of extensive
general reading. Now I'll put you in the way of accomplish