.

KOROBKIN. Let me have it please. I'll see for myself.

ARTEMY. I can read it myself. I tell you that after this part it's all
legible.

POSTMASTER. No, read it all. Everything so far could be read.

ALL. Give him the letter, Artemy Filippovich, give it to him. [To
Korobkin.] You read it.

ARTEMY. Very well. [Gives up the letter.] Here it is. [Covers a part of
it with his finger.] Read from here on. [All press him.]

POSTMASTER. Read it all, nonsense, read it all.

KOROBKIN [reading]. "The Superintendent of Charities, Zemlianika, is a
regular pig in a cap."

ARTEMY [to the audience]. Not a bit witty. A pig in a cap! Have you ever
seen a pig wear a cap?

KOROBKIN [continues reading]. "The School Inspector reeks of onions."

LUKA [to the audience]. Upon my word, I never put an onion to my mouth.

AMMOS [aside]. Thank God, there's nothing about me in it.

KOROBKIN [continues reading]. "The Judge--"

AMMOS. There! [Aloud.] Ladies and gentlemen, I think the letter is far
too long. To the devil with it! Why should we go on reading such trash?

LUKA. No.

POSTMASTER. No, go on.

ARTEMY. Go on reading.

KOROBKIN. "The Judge, Liapkin-Tiapkin, is extremely mauvais ton." [He
stops.] That must be a French word.

AMMOS. The devil knows what it means. It wouldn't be so bad if all it
means is "cheat." But it may mean something worse.

KOROBKIN [continues reading]. "However, the people are hospitable
and kindhearted. Farewell, my dear Triapichkin. I want to follow your
example and take up literature. It's tiresome to live this way, old boy.
One wants food for the mind, after all. I see I must engage in something
lofty. Address me: Village of Podkatilovka in the Government of
Saratov." [Turns the letter and reads the address.] "Mr. Ivan
Vasilyevich Triapichkin, St. Petersburg, Pochtamtskaya Street, House
Number 97, Courtyard, third floor, right."

A LADY. What an unexpected rebuke!

GOVERNOR. He has cut my throat and cut it for good. I'm done for,
completely done for. I see nothing. All I see are pigs' snouts instead
of faces, and nothing more. Catch him, catch him! [Waves his hand.]

POSTMASTER. Catch him! How? As if on purpose, I told the overseer to
give him the best coach and three. The devil prompted me to give the
order.

KOROBKIN'S WIFE. Here's a pretty mess.

AMMOS. Confound it, he borrowed three hundred rubles from me.

ARTEMY. He borrowed three hundred from me, too.

POSTMASTER [sighing]. An