of pride, that if I am now
enjoying general respect and admiration, if my mind is strong, my will
powerful, my view of life clear and bright, I owe it only to myself, to
my power and my perseverance. How many weak people would have perished
in my place as victims of madness, despair, or grief? But I have
conquered everything! I have changed the world. I gave to my soul the
form which my mind desired. In the desert, working alone, exhausted with
fatigue, I have erected a stately structure in which I now live joyously
and calmly, like a king. Destroy it--and to-morrow I shall begin to
build a new structure, and in my bloody sweat I shall erect it! For I
must live!

Forgive my involuntary pathos in the last lines, which is so unbecoming
to my balanced and calm nature. But it is hard to restrain myself when I
recall the road I have travelled. I hope, however, that in the future
I shall not darken the mood of my reader with any outbursts of agitated
feelings. Only he shouts who is not confident of the truth of his words;
calm firmness and cold simplicity are becoming to the truth.

P.S.--I do not remember whether I told you that the criminal who
murdered my father has not been found as yet.

CHAPTER V

Deviating from time to time from the calm form of a historical narrative
I must pause on current events. Thus I will permit myself to acquaint my
readers in a few lines with a rather interesting specimen of the human
species which I have found accidentally in our prison.

One afternoon a few days ago the Warden came to me for the usual chat,
and among other things told me there was a very unfortunate man in
prison at the time upon whom I could exert a beneficent influence. I
expressed my willingness in the most cordial manner, and for several
days in succession I have had long discussions with the artist K., by
permission of the Warden. The spirit of hostility, even of obstinacy,
with which, to my regret, he met me at his first visit, has now
disappeared entirely under the influence of my discussion. Listening
willingly and with interest to my ever pacifying words he gradually told
me his rather unusual story after a series of persistent questions.

He is a man of about twenty-six or twenty-eight, of pleasant appearance,
and rather good manners, which show that he is a well-bred man. A
certain quite natural unrestraint in his speech, a passionate vehemence
with which he talks about himself, occasionally a bitter,