me in my tardy movements towards the truth. When I consider how much of
evil they saw in connexion with infidelity, and how strong their feeling
was of the truth and necessity of religion, I wonder at their
forbearance. At times their patience was well-nigh exhausted, but they
seldom betrayed the fact by their behavior. But my eldest son informed
me, after my return to Christ, that at one time, doubting whether I
should ever be cured of my insanity, he made up his mind to forswear all
other occupations, and give himself exclusively to the Christian
ministry, that he might spend his life and powers in a ceaseless warfare
against the horrible delusions to which I seemed so irretrievably
wedded.

15. In the year 1857, towards the close of the summer, I left my home in
Nebraska for a time, and went eastward on a lecturing tour. My first
appointment was at East Liverpool, in Ohio. There I met with my good,
old friend John Donaldson, of Byker, near Newcastle-on-Tyne, England. He
spoke of days long past, when we worked together in the cause of Christ.
He was kind, as he had always been; but it troubled him to find me so
changed--so far estranged from the views of former times. Though glad to
see my friend, the memories which his presence revived, of the days when
I was a happy and a useful minister of Christ, and the partial
re-awakening of old religious thoughts and feelings which it occasioned,
made me feel, for a moment, an indescribable sensation, as of one who
had got an unlooked-for glimpse of some fearful loss he had sustained,
or of some tremendous mistake he had committed. My infidel logic,
however, hastened to my aid, and assured me I was right; but the deep
and deathless instincts of my soul were not entirely at rest.

I reached Philadelphia at length. There I was engaged by Dr. W. Wright
for eight months. I lectured every Sunday, sometimes on theological,
sometimes on moral, and sometimes on scientific and general subjects. I
always urged on my hearers a virtuous life, and did what I could to
escape the society of persons of immoral habits. And I thought, for a
time, I had succeeded. But I was grievously mistaken. One of the acting
men in my congregation was a Plymouth man. He, as I afterwards found,
had deserted his wife and family, and was living with another woman.
Another, a more important member of my congregation, whom I supposed to
be an example of propriety, turned out to be an advocate of unlimited
licen