ovement of my
hearers and readers.

_Explanation Fourth. My Own Defects._

My character was very defective in my early days. I have felt this a
hundred times while I have been writing and revising the foregoing
pages. I was wanting in humility. There were some kinds of pride from
which I was probably free; but there were others of which I had more
than my share. And I was lacking in meekness. I could control myself and
keep quite calm in a public debate; but could be angry and resentful in
other cases. I was not sufficiently forbearing. I was not sufficiently
forgiving.

And I was too critical, too pugnacious, too controversial. I was too
much in the habit of looking for defects in what I heard and read;
defects in style; errors in thought; mistakes in reasoning; faults in
arrangement; and improprieties in manner and spirit.

Considering that I was to a great extent self-taught, that much that I
learned I learned after I had become almost a man, this perhaps was
natural; but it was a disadvantage. It would have been better if I had
sought only for the true, the good, the beautiful in what I heard, and
read, and saw. I ought, perhaps, instead of exercising my critical
powers on others, to have contented myself with exercising them on my
own character and performances, and with endeavoring in all things to
set an example of what was worthy of imitation. It may be that I was
_naturally_, _constitutionally_ critical; but that does not make it
right or wise. I ought to have warred with my constitutional
propensities, and to have kept my critical tendencies within the bounds
of prudence and charity.

But this wisdom was too high for me in my early days, and I fear that
while I was pressing attention to practical matters on others, I was
myself too much busied in doctrinal matters. I was too zealous _against_
certain doctrines while rebuking others for being too zealous _for_
them. While they were too doctrinal and controversial positively, I was
too doctrinal and controversial negatively. They erred in going too far;
I was too zealous in pushing them back.

In many things my enemies were wrong: but there were other things in
which I was not right. They were very foolish; and I was far from wise.
I see it, I feel it all, and I lament it too. And still I feel the
remains of my old defects and vices clinging to me. I have still great
need of the mercy of God, and of the forbearance and kind consideration
of my brethren