Of Satan on the jaw and stopped their bluffing;
So, if you see her safely through,
We'll give you thrice your usual due
Of other geese (with stuffing).

O.S.

* * * * *

BRIDGE CONVENTIONS.

The game of Auction Bridge may be divided into three species. There is the
one we play at home, the second which we play at the Robinsons', and the
third that is played at the high table at my club.

The three games are peculiarly distinct, but I have only recently
discovered, at some expense, that each one has its particular conventions.
At home, if I venture a light no-trump, and Joan, sitting on my right,
exclaims well out of turn, "Oh! father," we all know that Joan has the
no-trumper, and the play proceeds accordingly.

At the Robinsons' it is different. Suppose I make a call of one spade and
the elder hand two hearts, and my partner (let us suppose he is Robinson)
passes, and I say "Two spades," and the elder hand says "Three hearts," and
Robinson bellows "No," I at once realise that it would be extremely
dangerous to call three spades.

These two typical forms of convention are quite clear and seldom lead to
any misunderstanding. But the high table at the club is different, and, if
I might say so with all diffidence, the conventions there are not so well
defined. In fact they may lead to terrible confusion. I speak with
confidence on this point because I tried them a few days ago.

Three disconsolate monomaniacs wanted making up, and I, dwelling upon the
strong game I had recently been playing at home, threw precaution to the
winds and made them up. My partner was a stern man with a hard blue eye and
susceptible colouring. After we had cut he informed me that, should he
declare one no-trump, he wished to be taken out into a major suit of five;
also, should he double one no-trump, he required me to declare without fail
my best suit. He was going to tell me some more but somebody interrupted
him. Then we started what appeared to be a very ordinary rubber.

My partner perhaps was not quite at his best when it was my turn to lead;
at least he never seemed particularly enthusiastic about anything I did
lead, but otherwise--well, I might almost have been at the Robinsons'. Then
suddenly he doubled one no-trump.

I searched feverishly for my best suit. I had two--four diamonds to the
eight; four hearts to the eight. A small drop of perspiration gathered u