ch is the Mummy;
And that must be even more awful to bear
Than walking about on your tummy.

A.P.H.

* * * * *

"MOTHER OF 13 HAS TRIPLETS."--_Daily Paper._

The unlucky age.

* * * * *

SEPTEMBER IN MY GARDEN.

There are few things I find so sorrowful as to sit and smoke and reflect on
the splendid deeds that one might have been doing if one had only had the
chance. The PRIME MINISTER feels like this, I suppose, when he remembers
how unkind people have prevented him from making a land fit for heroes to
live in, and I feel it about my garden. There can be no doubt that my
garden is not fit for heroes to saunter in; the only thing it is fit for is
to throw used matches about in; and there is indeed a certain advantage in
this. Some people's gardens are so tidy that you have to stick all your
used matches very carefully into the mould, with the result that next year
there is a shrubbery of Norwegian pine.

The untidiness of my garden is due to the fault of the previous tenants.
Nevertheless one can clearly discern through the litter of packing-cases
which completely surrounds the house that there was originally a garden
there.

I thought something ought to be done about this, so I bought a little book
on gardening, and, turning to September, began to read.

"September," said the man, "marks the passing of summer and the advent of
autumn, the time of ripening ruddy-faced fruits and the reign of a rich and
gloriously-coloured flora."

About the first part of this statement I have no observation to make. It is
probably propaganda, subsidised by the Meteorological Office in order to
persuade us that we still have a summer; it has nothing to do with my
present theme. But with regard to the ripening ruddy-faced fruits I should
like to point out that in my garden there are none of these things, because
the previous tenants took them all away when they left. Not a ruddy-faced
fruit remains. As for the rich and gloriously-coloured flora, I lifted the
edges of all the packing-cases in turn and looked for it, but it was not
there either. It should have consisted, I gather, of "gorgeously-coloured
dahlias, gay sunflowers, Michaelmas daisies, gladioli and other autumn
blossoms, adding brightness and gaiety to our flower-garden."

"Gaiety" seems to be rather a strong point with this author, for a little
further on he says, "The garden should be g