TIOUS PROPHETS.

(_Suggested by the almost invariable form of the last sentence in the
Weather Report._)

Ye watchers of the wind and rain,
Forgive me for becoming nettled
By your monotonous refrain:
"The further outlook is unsettled."

When, on a bright and sunlit morn,
I rise refreshed and finely fettled
Your cue is not to cheer but warn:
"The further outlook is unsettled."

They are too rare, these halcyon days,
When earth's a paradise rose-petalled,
For you to chill us with a phrase:
"The further outlook is unsettled."

Too often have I shirked the goal
At which (as Scotsmen say) I ettled,
Discouraged by your words of dole:
"The further outlook is unsettled."

For instance, lately I resigned
A trip to Shetland to be shettled;
Your menace made me change my mind:
"The further outlook is unsettled."

Henceforth I'm going to defy
You and your breed, inert, unmettled,
Who chant that sad Cassandra cry:
"The further outlook is unsettled."

Ay, if I held untrammelled sway
I'd have you bottled up and kettled
Like djinns, until you ceased to say:
"The further outlook is unsettled."

* * * * *

[Illustration: MAJOR-GENERAL X AT THE FRONT IN 1918--]

[Illustration: AND ON THE BRIGHTON ROAD IN 1920.]

* * * * *

PIGS.

"Pigs pays," said Mrs. Pugsley.

"So I have heard."

"Pigs always pays; but Pugsley's pigs pays prodigious."

I rejoiced with her.

"Took 'em up sudden, he did; and now that interested! You'd never think
that pigs 'ld twine themselves round a man's heart, so to speak, would
you?"

"No."

"That's how it is with Willum. Reads nothing but about pigs; they'm his
only joy. In partnership with Uncle Eli over them. First time Uncle Eli
took to anything wholesome in his life. When Willum loses a pig he's that
low that he puts on a black tie. Wonnerful!"

It was. I knew Willum, otherwise Uncle Billy, and something about his
tastes. I had the pleasure of meeting him on the foreshore that afternoon.
No doubt he was studying pigs; but the title of the book he had in his hand
was _Form at a Glance_.

"Pig form, I presume," said I politely.

"Now then, Missie, don't go giving me away. All's lovely at home. Me and
Uncle Eli has clubbed together to buy Bodger's racing tips. Bodger's got
brain. Doing very well, we are. Sure, I can't tell the miss