ted to retain the balance of the rat for his own
purposes.

***

Some exception has been taken to Mr. H.W. FORSTER'S statement to the House
of Commons that only 250,000,000 sandbags have been used by the Army in the
current year. Several privates home on leave have assured us that they
themselves have filled at least that number while waiting for a single
counterattack.

***

A Scottish allotment holder, in the course of digging the other day,
discovered three sovereigns, a silver watch and a gold ring. Since this
discovery the authorities have been so overwhelmed by applications for
allotments that there is some talk of extending the Scottish boundary into
England, in order to cope with the business.

***

"It is essential," says Mr. NEVILLE CHAMBERLAIN, "that there should be some
light entertainment and amusement for the people." Several London
magistrates have promised to be funnier.

* * * * *

HERBS OF GRACE.

I.

BORAGE.

"Borage for courage,"
The old saw runs.
"Let's grow Borage
And we'll beat the Huns!
Whether for porridge
Or puddings or buns,
Let's go and forage
For tons and tons.

II.

DILL.

Water of Dill
Is good to distil
When babies are fractious and witches do ill.
But why should we waste
What gives such a taste
To Summer-time salads that with it are graced?
Old witch, work your will!
Sweet babe, take a pill!
And I'll eat my salad well flavoured with Dill.

* * * * *

Short Service.

"Under Housemaid wanted, for 25 minutes London."--_The Times_.

* * * * *

Another Impending Apology.

"To-morrow week ... the Canadian regimental doctors will be deposited
for safe keeping in Bristol Cathedral."--_Bristol Times and Mirror_.

* * * * *

The Art of Bathos.

"Mr. Justice LOW has proved himself one of the ablest and most
expeditious of our judges. He was one of three judges who decided, in
May, 1915, that a winkle is a fish."--_Daily Graphic_.

* * * * *

"London, 30th Jan.--The Fool Controller states that...."--_Indian
Paper_.

We had not heard of the appointment of this Minister. But it has been made
none too soon.

* * * * *

From a recen