did not much
impress the House on this occasion; for news that something of the kind was
intended had leaked out; and Mr. HEALY'S subsequent allusion to it as "a
dramatic skedaddle" was felt to be justified.

_Thursday, March 8th._--I should have thought that the Dardanelles Report,
which everyone is reading, contained enough sensations to satisfy the most
_outree_ taste. But Sir CHARLES HOBHOUSE is still anxious to know the real
meaning of the tantalizing asterisks which occur here and there in it, and
wants a day to discuss the matter. Mr. BONAR LAW did not absolutely refuse,
but hoped that when his right hon. friend had examined the Report he would
forgo his desire for further information. It may safely be said that the
omitted passages, whatever they are, could hardly alter the public verdict
on the extraordinary notions of conducting a war which seem to have
prevailed in the Cabinet of which Sir CHARLES HOBHOUSE was himself a
member.

The determining factor in the inception of the Dardanelles affair seems to
have been the disastrous confidence of the then First Lord of the Admiralty
in the 15-inch guns of the _Queen Elizabeth_. The outcome recalls a verse
from a song popular when Master WINSTON was in petticoats:--

"I joined the Naval Demon-strat-i-on,
But we never fired so much as a gun,
And the Turk he laughed and said, 'Oh, what fun!
It's all on account of Eliza!'"

* * * * *

Distressing Sequel to Early Marriage.

"An exciting scene on Waterloo Bridge was described at Bow-street
yesterday when Lydia Wilderspin, aged 2, married, was charged with
attempting suicide."--_Illustrated Sunday Herald._

* * * * *

"RANK AND FILE.

The following casualties are reported under various dates:--

(The home team is Liverpool except where otherwise shown)."--_Liverpool
Daily Post._

But surely this is an "away" match?

* * * * *

Extract from interview with French journalist:--

"Mr. Lloyd George's face lit up proudly as he modestly replied."

Will the PRIME MINISTER please tell us how is is done? It might solve the
problem of getting about in the darkened streets.

* * * * *

"JAMES KENNEDY,
Monumental Sculptor,
Having been called up for Military Service, Mr. Kennedy is forced to
close down his Busin