* * *

[Illustration: _Short-sighted Lady._ "THAT'S RATHER AN AFFECTIONATE
COUPLE."

_Her Friend._ "THAT'S MY HUSBAND." _Short-sighted Lady._ "OH, I'M SO
SORRY."

_Her Friend._ "AND I'M SORRY, TOO, FOR I SEE HE'S GOT HIS LIGHT OVERCOAT
ON, AND I TOLD HIM NEVER TO WEAR IT WHEN BRINGING HOME THE COALS."]

* * * * *

"The L.C.C. had decided to grant only L5,300 amongst L21,000 teachers,
which would average a shilling a head per week. (Shame!)"--_Daily
Paper._

We agree. Why any War bonus at all to such bulging plutocrats?

* * * * *

"As I watched youths obediently obeying the whistle I wondered what
football would be like after the war."--_Daily Paper._

At present it seems rather redundantly redundant.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _First Lady (an old resident, gushingly)._ "AH, MRS.
ROBINSON, I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF FOR NOT HAVING BEEN TO CALL UPON YOU.
DO FORGIVE ME AND CONSIDER THIS AS MY CALL, WON'T YOU?"

_Mrs. Robinson (a new-comer, sweetly)._ "OH, CERTAINLY; AND YOU WILL
CONSIDER IT AS MY RETURN CALL, TOO, WON'T YOU?"]

* * * * *

AT THE PLAY.

"THE MAN WHO WENT ABROAD."

The authors of _The Man Who Stayed at Home_ (I preserve their modest
anonymity) have contrived a sequel to that exciting and veracious stage
account of secret service activities. _The Man Who Went Abroad_ on one of
those famous State-paper chases, in which conspirators conspire in the
least likely places, such as the promenade decks of liners, is the man who
spent his time in chimneys at home in the earlier part of the War--_Kit
Brent_.

[Illustration: THE MAN WHO STAYED IN HIS TENT.

_Christopher Brent._ MR. KENNETH DOUGLAS.

_Ani Kiraly._ MISS IRIS HOEY.]

He had a cousin, _Lord Goring_, Cabinet Minister, bound on a mission to
Washington; and _Kit_, who was as like his cousin as clean-shaven KENNETH
DOUGLAS was like KENNETH DOUGLAS with a toothbrush moustache, took his
cabin while the important peer preceded him in another boat. On board _Kit_
disports himself as a fatuous ass, of the kind that hyphenated Americans
(in plays) would naturally assume to be the staple of a British Cabinet.
Not that _Goring_ really was such an ass; but it was _Kit's_ plan to be so
guileless as to induce the enemy agents to think they had a sitter. And I
must say they were pretty e