Mr.
Augustus Peacock, smiling as he placed the small oblong of cardboard which
bore his name and address in the hand of his companion.

"I shall feel too proud if you will honour me with a call at your earliest
convenience," said Mr. Julius Candy bowing, while he presented to his
fancied friend the little pasteboard parallelogram inscribed with his
title and residence.

The eyes of the two gentlemen, however, were no sooner directed to the
cards, which had been placed in their hands, than the smiles which had
previously gladdened their countenances were instantaneously changed into
expressions of the most indignant scorn and surprise.

"Peacock!" shouted Candy.

"Candy!" vociferated Peacock.

"Sir!" exclaimed the furious Mr. P., "had I known that Candy was the name
of the man, sir, whom I was addressing, sir, my conduct you would have
found, sir, of a very different character!"

"And had I been aware," retorted the exasperated Mr. C., "that Peacock was
the title of the _fellow_" (and he laid a forty-horse power of emphasis
upon the word) "with whom I have been conversing, my card would never have
been delivered to him but with a different motive."

"Fellow, sir! I think you said--_Fellow_, sir!"

"I did, sir,--fellow was the word I used, and I repeat
it--fellow--fellow!"

"You do, sir! and I throw back in your teeth, sir, with the addition of
fool, sir!"

"Fool!--no, no--not quite a fool--only _near_ one, sir!"

"You're a conceited puppy, sir!"

"And you are an impudent scoundrel, sir!"

This brought matters to a crisis. The parties embraced their canes with
more than ordinary ardour, and, by their lowering looks, indicated a
fervent desire to violate the peace of her blessed Majesty, when the fair
cause of their contention suddenly entered the apartment.

It was no difficult matter, in the positions they occupied, for Georgiana
to divine the reason of their animosity; which she effectually allayed by
informing the angry disputants, "that either had no reason to look upon
the other with any degree of jealousy, for she humbly begged to assure
them that her affections were devoted to--_neither_."

This, of course, put a full stop to their chivalry: each party seized his
hat, bowing distantly to the insensible Georgiana, and left the house,
vowing certain destruction to the other; but, upon cool reflection,
Messrs. C. and P. doubtless deemed it advisable not to endanger the small
quantum of brains they i