vy
and law, we must say that it is an extremely shabby method of

[Illustration: "RELIEVING GUARD."]

* * * * *

LIST OF OUTRAGES.

The following list of outrages, recently perpetrated in the vicinity of a
notoriously bad house near Westminster Abbey, has not appeared in any of
the daily papers:--

LORD MELBOURNE--frightfully beaten, and turned out of his house by a gang
of Peelites.

LORD JOHN RUSSELL--struck on the head by a large majority, and flung into
a quandary.

LORD COTTENHAM--tripped up by a well-known member of the swell mob, and
robbed of his seals.

MR. ROEBUCK--stripped and treated with barbarous inhumanity by a notorious
bruiser named the _Times_. The unfortunate gentleman lies to the present
moment _speechless_ from the injuries he has sustained.

LORD NORMANBY--stabbed with some sharp instrument, supposed to be Lord
Stanley's tongue.

LORD MORPETH--struck in the dark by an original idea, from the effects of
which he has not yet recovered.

* * * * *

ROOT AND BRANCH.

Roebuck, in complaining of the stigmas cast by the _Times_ upon his
pedigree, and vehemently insisting on the character of his family tree,
was kindly assisted by Tom Duncombe, who declared the genus indisputable,
as nobody could look in Roebuck's face without perceiving his family tree
must have been the "plane-tree."

* * * * *

SONGS FOR THE SENTIMENTAL.--NO. 8.

You say I have forgot the vow
I breath'd in days long past;
But had I faithful been, that thou
Hadst loved me to the last.
_Without_ me, e'en a throne thou'dst scorn--
_With_ me, contented beg!
False maid! 'tis not that I'm forsworn,--
The boot's on t'other leg.

Amidst the revel thou wast gay,
The blithest with the song!
Though thou believ'dst me far away,
An exile at Boulogne.
'Twas then, and not till then, my heart
To love thee did refuse;
My vows became (false that thou art!)--
Another pair of shoes!

* * * * *

AFFAIRS IN CHINA.

PRIVATE LETTER FROM A YOUNG OFFICER AT THE ENGLISH FACTORY, CANTON, TO HIS
BROTHER IN ENGLAND.

DEAR TOM,--Everything is going on gloriously--the British arms are
triumphant--and we now only require the Emperor of China's consent to our
taking possession of his territory, which I am sorry to say there is at
present no likelihood of