* * * *

PUNCH'S THEATRE.

WHAT WILL THE WORLD SAY?

The family of the "Sponges" distributes itself over the entire face of
society--its members are familiar with almost every knocker, and with
nearly everybody's dinner-hour. They not unfrequently come in with the
eggs, and only go out with the last glass of negus. They seem to possess
the power of ubiquity; for, go where you will, your own especial sponge
(and everybody with more than two hundred a-year has one), is sure to
present himself. He is ready for anything, especially where eating, love,
duelling, or drinking, is concerned. To oblige you, he will breakfast at
supper-time, or sup at breakfast-time; he will drink any given quantity,
at any time, and will carry any number of declarations of love to any
number of ladies, or of challenges to whole armies of rivals: thus far he
is useful; for he is obliging, and will do anything--but pay.

When he has absorbed all the moisture his victims are able to supply, he
may be seen walking about in moody solitude in the parks, where he sponges
upon the ducks, and owes for the use of the chairs. In this dry and
destitute condition, behold the sponge of the Covent-Garden
Comedy--_Captain Tarradiddle_. He is in St. James' Park; for, possessing
imaginary rather than substantial claims to military rank, he flits about
the Horse-Guards to keep up his character. A person is already upon the
stage, for whom you instinctively shudder--you perceive, at once, that he
is "in" for dinner, wine, theatre, and supper--you pity him; you see the
sponge, speciously, but surely, fasten himself upon his victim like a
vampire. _Mr. Pye Hilary_, being a barrister and a man of the world,
resigns himself, however, to his fate. As to shaking off his leech, he
knows that to be impossible; and he determines to make what use of him he
can. There is a fine opportunity, for _Mr. Pye Hilary_ is in love, in
despair, and in waiting: he expects his mistress's abigail; in negociating
with whom, he conceives _Tarradiddle_ will be a valuable assistant. _Mrs.
Tattle_ arrives. Preliminaries having been duly settled, articles
offensive and defensive are entered into, to carry out a plan by which the
lover shall gain an interview with the mistress; and the treaty is
ratified by a liberal donation, which the _Captain_ makes to the maid out
of his friend's purse. The servant is satisfied, and goes off in the
utmost agitation, for _Miss Mayley_