compelled to give notice, my lady, if the
master had not had a seat in the Upper House. I cling to that.

LADY MARY. Do go on speaking. Tell me, what did Mr. Ernest mean by
saying he was not young enough to know everything?

CRICHTON. I have no idea, my lady.

LADY MARY. But you laughed.

CRICHTON. My lady, he is the second son of a peer.

LADY MARY. Very proper sentiments. You are a good soul, Crichton.

LORD BROCKLEHURST (desperately to TWEENY). And now tell me, have you
been to the Opera? What sort of weather have you been having in the
kitchen? (TWEENY gurgles.) For Heaven's sake, woman, be articulate.

CRICHTON (still talking to LADY MARY). No, my lady; his lordship may
compel us to be equal upstairs, but there will never be equality in the
servants' hall.

LORD LOAM (overhearing this). What's that? No equality? Can't you see,
Crichton, that our divisions into classes are artificial, that if we
were to return to nature, which is the aspiration of my life, all would
be equal?

CRICHTON. If I may make so bold as to contradict your lordship--

LORD LOAM (with an effort). Go on.

CRICHTON. The divisions into classes, my lord, are not artificial. They
are the natural outcome of a civilised society. (To LADY MARY.) There
must always be a master and servants in all civilised communities, my
lady, for it is natural, and whatever is natural is right.

LORD LOAM (wincing). It is very unnatural for me to stand here and allow
you to talk such nonsense.

CRICHTON (eagerly). Yes, my lord, it is. That is what I have been
striving to point out to your lordship.

AGATHA (to CATHERINE). What is the matter with Fisher? She is looking
daggers.

CATHERINE. The tedious creature; some question of etiquette, I suppose.

(She sails across to FISHER.)

How are you, Fisher?

FISHER (with a toss of her head). I am nothing, my lady, I am nothing at
all.

AGATHA. Oh dear, who says so?

FISHER (affronted). His lordship has asked that kitchen wench to have a
second cup of tea.

CATHERINE. But why not?

FISHER. If it pleases his lordship to offer it to her before offering it
to me--

AGATHA. So that is it. Do you want another cup of tea, Fisher?

FISHER. No, my lady--but my position--I should have been asked first.

AGATHA. Oh dear.

(All this has taken some time, and by now the feeble appetites of the
uncomfortable guests have been satiated. But they know there is still
another ordeal to face--his lordship's mon