break her engagement with Brocklehurst
unless I told him about--you know what.

(All conjure up the vision of CRICHTON.)

AGATHA. Is she mad?

LORD LOAM. She calls it common honesty.

CATHERINE. Father, have you told him?

LORD LOAM (heavily). She thinks I have, but I couldn't. She's sure to
find out to-night.

(Unconsciously he leans on the island concertina, which he has perhaps
been lately showing to an interviewer as something he made for TWEENY.
It squeaks, and they all jump.)

CATHERINE. It's like a bird of ill-omen.

LORD LOAM (vindictively). I must have it taken away; it has done that
twice.

(LADY MARY comes in. She is in evening dress. Undoubtedly she meant
to sail in, but she forgets, and despite her garments it is a manly
entrance. She is properly ashamed of herself. She tries again, and has
an encouraging success. She indicates to her sisters that she wishes to
be alone with papa.)

AGATHA. All right, but we know what it's about. Come along, Kit.

(They go. LADY MARY thoughtlessly sits like a boy, and again corrects
herself. She addresses her father, but he is in a brown study, and she
seeks to draw his attention by whistling. This troubles them both.)

LADY MARY. How horrid of me!

LORD LOAM (depressed). If you would try to remember--

LADY MARY (sighing). I do; but there are so many things to remember.

LORD LOAM (sympathetically). There are--(in a whisper). Do you know,
Mary, I constantly find myself secreting hairpins.

LADY MARY. I find it so difficult to go up steps one at a time.

LORD LOAM. I was dining with half a dozen members of our party last
Thursday, Mary, and they were so eloquent that I couldn't help wondering
all the time how many of their heads he would have put in the bucket.

LADY MARY. I use so many of his phrases. And my appetite is so
scandalous. Father, I usually have a chop before we sit down to dinner.

LORD LOAM. As for my clothes--(wriggling). My dear, you can't think how
irksome collars are to me nowadays.

LADY MARY. They can't be half such an annoyance, father, as--(She looks
dolefully at her skirt.)

LORD LOAM (hurriedly). Quite so--quite so. You have dressed early
to-night, Mary.

LADY MARY. That reminds me; I had a note from Brocklehurst saying that
he would come a few minutes before his mother as--as he wanted to have
a talk with me. He didn't say what about, but of course we know. (His
lordship fidgets.) (With feeling.) It was good of you to t