may
return to those spiders some of these days, and out of their webs spin a
three-volume novel of unusual grimness and humour.

Shortly after this we emerged from the tunnel (passing by a place called
Gloucester Road), and found ourselves in the land of the White-eyed
Kaffirs.[C]

CHAPTER IV.--QUITE KILLING.

The country we now occupied was called New Pendy--no doubt because it
had never been written about before. It is not very necessary to
describe the lands or the people; and really the most remarkable thing
in the place was a staircase, of a very wonderful character. Let the
reader imagine, if he can, a splendid stairway, sixty-five feet from
balustrade to balustrade, consisting of two vast flights, each of one
hundred and twenty-five steps, of eight inches in height, by three feet
broad, connected by a flat resting-place sixty feet in length, and
running from the palace wall, on the edge of the precipice down to meet
a waterway or canal cut to its foot from the river. This was the great
staircase, the magnificence of which fairly took our breath away.[D]

Having described the staircase, it is only necessary to say that the New
Pendies were governed by two Queens, one of whom fell in love with Sir
HARRY and married him, quarrelled with her sister, and engaged in a
civil war which rent the country in twain. This naturally occasioned a
good deal of bloodshed. Never shall I forget the manner in which
TRYLEAPYEA (the lady who honoured Sir HARRY with her preference) wooed
that individual. When they first met they could not speak the same
language, so she took a pencil from me and made a delightful little
sketch, which I give in the margin. There is no difficulty in
recognising a bride expressing admiration at a wedding-cake.

[Illustration]

* * *

Need I say that after her marriage TRYLEAPYEA'S subjects had the most
terrible fight with the subjects of her sister SARAMARIAH, which was
chiefly waged on the staircase. This happened after I and UMBUGSOAPYGAS
had performed together a kind of "Turpin's Ride to York," from the
battlefield. ADOLPHE escaped to post these memoirs--UMBUGSOAPYGAS was
cut to pieces. Sir HENRY and BONG in his blue spectacles, were kept for
ever in the New Pendy country, and, finally, I myself was killed,
funeralled, and cremated.[E]

FOOTNOTES:

[A] _Editor._ Surely I have heard this title before, or one very similar
to it?

_Author._ No, I think not.

[B] _Editor._ Surely I h