about everywhere! On stepping on to Ryde pier, they make a pounce on
me. Ask to see my luggage. It seems they are "subaltern administrators
of the law," disguised. I refuse to give up my keys; in order to mollify
them, make a joke, and tell them "they can't Ryde the high horse here."
Only reply they make is to break my bag open. Very objectionable. Crowd
evidently think I'm a London thief, and hoot at me.

Ask Detectives if they think I look like a Dynamiter? They say nothing,
and wink. Seem to look on my question as a "leading," or rather a
misleading, one. Thank Heaven! There's nothing suspicious in my
Gladstone bag. But, as these are Government emissaries, perhaps the mere
possession of a "Gladstone" bag is considered to connect me in some
mysterious way with Parnellism, and so with crime. Is there such a thing
as a "Salisbury" bag? Wish I'd got one if there is. Perhaps it would be
a good move to tell them I'm a Unionist. They reply (gruffly) "they
don't want none of my gab," and that _they_ intend to find out what I am
precious quick.

_At Police Station._--(To which I've been taken, through a howling mob!)
Bag opened. Several things appear to excite suspicion. Palette inspected
carefully. If it hadn't been for bad success of my last humorous remark,
should tell my captors that "I've no _palate_ for conspiracy." My box of
brushes regarded as highly questionable. Suggests obvious
sporting-riddle--Why do they think I've been in at the death (of
somebody or other?)--Answer: _because I've got the brush!_ Bottle of
Chinese White at once impounded. Considered to contain "an explosive
composition," it seems. Detectives convey it carefully to middle of
large field, and bury it, until Colonel MAJENDIE can come down from
Town. What, however, is regarded as greatest proof of my nefarious
tendencies is a picture of London Bridge in my portfolio. Detective asks
triumphantly--"What made you draw that there bridge if you ain't a
Fenian, now?" I reply "it's only a pot-boiler." Answer considered so
very incriminating that I am immediately handcuffed and put in a cell.
Never realised before what a very "fanciful and captious mistress," Art
is, or what idiots "the subaltern administrators of the law" are capable
of making of themselves.

_Three Days Later._--Liberated! Am told it was "all a mistake." Chinese
White bottle proved not to contain anything dangerous to human life.
Pot-boiler restored me, slightly soiled. No excuses or a