tur at the Close
Makes it to all Intents and Purposes
As good as anything of Cicero's.

VI

Yet let it not your anxious Mind perturb
Should Grammar's Law your Diction fail to curb:
Be comforted: it is like Tacitus:
Tis mostly done by leaving out the Verb.

VII

Mark well the Point: and thus your Answer fit
That you thereto all Reference omit,
But argue still about it and about
Of This, and That, and T'Other--not of It.

VIII

Say, why should You upon your proper Hook
Dilate on Things which whoso cares to look
Will find, in Libraries or otherwhere,
Already stated in a printed Book?

IX

Keep clear of Facts: the Fool who deals in those
A Mucker he inevitably goes:
The dusty Don who looks your Paper o'er
He knows about it all--or thinks he knows.

X

A Pipe, a Teapot, and a Pencil blue,
A Crib, perchance a Lexicon--and You
Beside him singing in a Wilderness
Of Suppositions palpably untrue--

XI

'Tis all he needs: he is content with these:
Not Facts he wants, but soft Hypotheses
Which none need take the Pains to verify:
This is the Way that Men obtain Degrees!

XII

'Twixt Right and Wrong the Difference is dim:
'Tis settled by the Moderator's Whim:
Perchance the Delta on your Paper marked
Means that his Lunch has disagreed with him:

XIII

Perchance the Issue lies in Fortune's Lap:
For if the Names be shaken in a Cap
(As some aver) then Truth and Fallacy
No longer signify a single Rap.

XIV

Nay! till the Hour for pouring out the Cup
Of Tea post-prandial calls you home to sup,
And from the dark Invigilator's Chair
The mild Muezzin whispers "Time is Up"--

XV

The Moving Finger writes: then, having writ,
The Product of your Scholarship and Wit
Deposit in the proper Pigeonhole--
And thank your Stars that there's an End of it!

LINES TO AN OLD FRIEND

When we're daily called to arms by continual alarms,
And the journalist unceasingly dilates
On the agitating fact that we're soon to be attacked
By the Germans, or the Russians, or the States:
When the papers all are swelling with a patriotic rage,
And are hurling a defiance or a threat,
Then I cool my martial ardour with the pacifying page
Of the _Oxford University Gazette_.

When I hanker for a statement that is practical and dry
(Being sated with sensation in excess,