which I am now happy to
impart, I was a constant frequenter of taverns, eating-houses,
oyster-rooms, and similar places of entertainment. I am old now, and have
been persecuted by a brutal world, and am grown timid. But I was ever a
peaceable man--hated quarrels--never came to words if I could help it. _I
do not recommend the tavern, eating-house, oyster-room system._ These are
the words of wisdom. The waiters at these places are invariably sturdy,
fleet, abusive rascals, who cannot speak and will not listen to reason. To
eat one's dinner, drink a pint of sherry, and then, calling for the bill,
take out one's pocket-book, and post it in its rotation in a neat hand,
informing the waiter the while, that it is a simple debt, and so forth;
this really requires nerve. Great spirits only are equal to it. It is an
innovation upon old, established forms, however absurd--and innovators
bring down upon themselves much obloquy. To run from the score you have run
up--not to pay your shot, but to shoot from payment--this is not always
safe, and invariably spoils digestion. No; it is not more honourable--far
from it--but it is better; for you should strive to become, what is
commonly called--"A Diner Out"--that is to say, one who continues to sit
at the private tables of other men every day of his life, and by his so
potent art, succeeds in making them believe that they are very much
obliged to him.

How to be this thing--this "Diner Out"--I shall teach you, by a few short
rules next week. Till then--farewell!

* * * * *

Lord William Paget has applied to the Lord Chancellor, to inquire whether
the word "jackass" is not opprobrious and actionable. His lordship says,
"No, decidedly, in this case only synonymous."

* * * * *

THE POLITICAL QUACK.

Sir Robert Peel has convinced us of one thing by his Tamworth speech, that
whatever danger the constitution may be in, he will not proscribe for the
patient until he is _regularly called in_. A beautiful specimen of the old
Tory leaven. Sir Robert objects to give _Advice gratis_.

* * * * *

TO FANCY BUILDERS AND CAPITALISTS.

A large assortment of peculiarly fine oyster-shells, warranted fire-proof
and of first-rate quality; exquisitely adapted for the construction of
grottoes. May be seen by cards only, to be procured of Mr. George Robins,
or the clerks of Billingsgate or Hungerfofd