the appearance, but the manners also, of Foreign Affairs, may be
copied with signal benefit. Two of their accomplishments will be found
eminently serviceable--the art of looking black, and that of leering. These
physiognomical attainments, exhibited by turns, have a marvellous power of
attracting female eyes--those of them, at least, that have a tendency to
wander abroad. The best way of becoming master of these acquisitions is, to
peruse with attention the features of bravoes and brigands on the one hand,
and those of opera-dancers on the other. The progress of Foreign Affairs
should be attentively watched, as the manner of it is distinguished by a
peculiar grace. This, perhaps, we cannot better teach anyone to catch, than
by telling him to endeavour, in walking, to communicate, at each step, a
lateral motion to his coat tail. The gait of a popular actress, dressed as
a young officer, affords, next to that actually in question, the best
exemplification of our meaning. Habitual dancing before a looking-glass, by
begetting a kind of second nature, which will render the movements almost
instinctive, will be of great assistance in this particular.

In order to secure that general style and bearing for which Foreign Affairs
are so remarkable, the mind must be carefully divested of divers
incompatible qualities--such as self-respect, the sense of shame, the
reverential instinct, and that of conscience, as certain feelings are
termed. It must also be relieved of any inconvenient weight of knowledge
under which it may labour; though these directions are perhaps needless, as
those who have any inclination to form themselves after the pattern of
Foreign Affairs, are not very likely to have any such moral or intellectual
disqualifications to get rid of. However, it would only be necessary to
become conversant with the Affairs themselves, in order, if requisite, to
remove all difficulties of the sort. "There is a thing," reader, "which
thou hast often heard of, and it is known to many in our land by the name
of pitch;" we need not finish the quotation.

To defend the preceding observations from misconstruction, we will make, in
conclusion, one additional remark; Foreign _Affairs_ are one thing--Foreign
_Gentlemen_ another.

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PUNCH'S PENCILLINGS--No. IV.

[Illustration: FOREIGN AFFAIRS by (a drawing of an ink bottle)]

* * * * *

THE MINTO-HOUSE MANI