and marched up to the Hotel and played patriotic airs under the
window. Mother and I drove to the Beaconsfield Club in an open
carriage and pair, escorted by the band. Mother's bonnet was all
primroses, and she carried an immense bouquet of them. _Carlo_
came with us and sat on the back-seat. His collar was stuck full of
primroses, and small bunches were tied on to the tufts on his back
and at the end of his tail. I wore a buttonhole of primroses, and
carried a huge primrose wreath to be placed round the bust of LORD
BEACONSFIELD, which stands in the hall of the Club. The coachman and
horses too were all tricked out with bunches. TOLLAND and CHORKLE,
and all the leaders of the Party, met us at the entrance of the Club,
and the ceremony of depositing the flowers all round the bust began.
CHORKLE, who once shook hands with DIZZY in the lobby of the House,
made a great speech, mostly composed of personal reminiscences of our
great departed leader. (By the way CHORKLE has six children, five
of them being sons, whose names are BENJAMIN DISRAELI CHORKLE, CECIL
SALISBURY CHORKLE, STRAFFORD THOROUGH CHORKLE, HOBBES LEVIATHAN
CHORKLE, and RANDOLPH CHURCHILL CHORKLE.) The sixth, eighteen months
old, is a girl. Her name is WILLIAMINA HENRIETTA SMITH CHORKLE. They
were all present, covered with primroses. I added a few words about
the inspiring effect that the contemplation of LORD BEACONSFIELD's
career must have upon the youth of the country. Mother's bouquet kept
falling off the place she had put it on, and two or three enthusiasts
always dashed forward to pick it up, causing a good many collisions.
In the middle of my speech, _Carlo_ walked into the centre of the
hall, sat down and proceeded to gnaw off the primroses which had been
tied to his tail. He then ate them all solemnly, and after that rolled
over on his back with his paws stuck straight out, pretending he was
dead. I must tell Mother not to bring that dog again. There was a
great banquet in the evening. VULLIAMY came down for it and spoke very
kindly about me in his speech. Said he had followed my career with
profound interest and pleasure from my earliest years. I've only known
him a year.

* * * * *

NOTHING LIKE DISCIPLINE!

(_EXTRACT FROM THE DIARY OF_ PRIVATE ATKINS, _PRINCE'S COMPANY, 4TH
BATTALION, H.M.'S GUZZLEBEER GUARDS._)

_Monday_.--Joined the Regiment. Appeared on Parade, and was requested
to come to "attention," althoug