OR, "PUT THAT IN YOUR PIPE AND SMOKE IT!"

_Miss India_. "EVICT ME? WITH PLEASURE, SAHIB. BUT HOW ABOUT
'COMPENSATION FOR DISTURBANCE?'"]

* * * * *

In the heart of fair Ind, which JOHN BULL hopes to keep,
Trade planted a Garden--a Garden of Sleep;
'Neath the hot Eastern sky--in the place of good corn--
It is there that the baneful white Poppy is born,--
Chinese Johnny's desire, lending dreams of delight,
Which are his when the poppy-juice cometh in sight.
Oh! the Mart hath no heart, and Trade laugheth to scorn
The plea of friend PEASE, where the Poppies are born.

In this Garden of Sleep, where white Poppies are spread,
Fair INDIA plucketh the opiate head.
JOHN BULL says. "My dear, PEASE's tales make me creep.
He swears it, fills graves with 'pigtails,' who seek sleep!"
Fair INDIA replies, "That may possibly be;
But they Revenue bring, some Six Millions, you see!
Turn me out if you will, smash the Trade if you must;
But--you'll make up the money somehow, Sir, I trust!"

* * * * *

[Illustration: WANTED--A LOCAL HABITATION.

(_Commended by Mr. Punch to the Patrons of British Art._)

_English Art_ (_to Sir James L-nt-n, Messrs. T-te and Agn-w_), "NOW,
GENTLEMEN, THE GOVERNMENT HAS GIVEN THE SITE FOR MY HOUSE,--IT ONLY
REMAINS FOR YOU TO BUILD IT."

[The CHANCELLOR of the EXCHEQUER announced that the Government had
assigned a site for the new Gallery of Modern Art, as he thought it
would be unwise to risk the failure of the gift of L80,000 which had
been offered to erect a building.]]

* * * * *

SOMEBODY'S LUGGAGE.

In view of the intense public excitement aroused by the statement that
Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL, in his expedition to Mashonaland, is only
going to take two books with him--SHAKSPEARE and MOLIERE--an Inquiring
Correspondent has recently written to several eminent persons on this
subject, and has received--so he says--the following replies:--

SIR,--You ask me what books I should take if I were contemplating
a visit to the Dark Continent, like Lord RANDOLPH CHURCHILL.
The question, in the abstract, and without reference to my own
personality, is an interesting one, and no doubt human fallibility
would, in the case you suppose, induce me to take several volumes of
my own _Gleanings_ with me,--not so much for their intrinsic merits,
as because perhaps they might form a