arrival of a strong
team of the Kajawee Cannibal Islanders, a ferocious race, who have
been instructed in the game by a celebrated Midland half-back. As in
practice they invariably, instead of a foot-ball, use a fresh human
head, and in a scrimmage leave half their number dead on the field, by
having recourse to the 'Kogo' or 'Spine Splitting Stroke,' introduced
from a local athletic game, some excitement will no doubt be
manifested in sporting circles when they meet the Clapham Rovers, as,
I believe, it is arranged they shall do at the Oval, early in November
next."

* * * * *

Hats of the style of the earliest portion of the Saxon Heptarchy
will _not_, after all, be seen in the Row during this Season, though
several male leaders of fashion are stated to have given orders for
them on an approved model.

* * * * *

[Illustration: A WASTED EPIGRAM.

"WHERE IS THE EVENING _GAZETTE_, WAITER?'

"PLEASE, SIR, IT'S NOT YET _SEWN_."

"_SOWN_, SIR! IT OUGHT TO HAVE _COME UP_!"]

* * * * *

MINE AND THINE.

[In a recent case, a promoter of Gold Mining Companies
was asked if any of his Companies had ever paid a penny of
dividend. His answer was, "You cannot know much about gold
mines to ask such a question." He admitted, however, that he
himself had made some L50 000 out of them. "This," he said,
"is not profit; it is the realisation of property."]

Take a patch of land in Africa and multiply by ten,
Then extract a ton of metal from an ounce or two of sand;
Write a roseate prospectus with a magnifying pen,
Making deserts flow with honey in a rich and smiling land.

Take some crumbs of truth, and spread them with a covering of bosh,
And conceal them in a pie-crust labelled "Promises to pay";
Hide away all dirty linen, or remove it home to wash,
And then begin the process which the wise ones call "Convey."

Next collect a band of brothers, all inspired by one desire.
To subserve the public interest, single-hearted men and true;
Stuff with shares, and thus permit them in your kindness to acquire,
At a price, the vendor's property,--the vendor being you.

Then, since _you_ must make a profit, call the public to your aid;
Let them give you all their money, which they think they only lend:
And of course you mustn't tell them, till the fools have safely paid,