endant on this class of
criticism.--it is generally requisite to read a few pages of the work;
because we seldom tickle without extracting, and it requires some
judgment to make the context agree with the extract. But it is not often
necessary to extract when you slash or when you plaster; when you slash,
it is better in general to conclude with: 'After what we have said, it
is unnecessary to add that we cannot offend the taste of our readers by
any quotation from this execrable trash.' And when you plaster, you may
wind up with: 'We regret that our limits will not allow us to give any
extracts from this wonderful and unrivalled work. We must refer our
readers to the book itself.'

"And now, sir, I think I have given you a sufficient outline of the
noble science of Scaliger and MacGrawler. Doubtless you are reconciled
to the task I have allotted you; and while I tickle the Romance, you
will slash the Inquiry and plaster the Epic!"

"I will do my best, sir!" said Paul, with that modest yet noble
simplicity which becomes the virtuously ambitious; and MacGrawler
forthwith gave him pen and paper, and set him down to his undertaking.

He had the good fortune to please MacGrawler, who, after having made a
few corrections in style, declared he evinced a peculiar genius in that
branch of composition. And then it was that Paul, made conceited by
praise, said, looking contemptuously in the face of his preceptor, and
swinging his legs to and fro,--

"And what, sir, shall I receive for the plastered Epic and the slashed
Inquiry?"

As the face of the school-boy who, when guessing, as he thinks rightly,
at the meaning of some mysterious word in Cornelius Nepos, receiveth
not the sugared epithet of praise, but a sudden stroke across the
os humerosve [Face or shoulders] even so, blank, puzzled, and
thunder-stricken, waxed the face of Mr. MacGrawler at the abrupt and
astounding audacity of Paul.

"Receive!" he repeated,--"receive! Why, you impudent, ungrateful puppy,
would you steal the bread from your old master? If I can obtain for
your crude articles an admission into the illustrious pages of 'The
Asinaeum,' will you not be sufficiently paid, sir, by the honour? Answer
me that. Another man, young gentleman, would have charged you a premium
for his instructions; and here have I, in one lesson, imparted to you
all the mysteries of the science, and for nothing! And you talk to me of
'receive!--receive!' Young gentleman, in the wo