poach, and no
fun in doing it. They said that they would pay keepers to hold the
Southern bodies off, out of the rates, and the rates would be paid by
the Laird--meaning me. I said I knew that several Lairds were standing
on this platform, but that, personally, if my land and rents were to
be taken away, I did not see how the rates were to be got out of my
empty sporran. This was a new idea to them, but I cheered them up
by saying I was in favour of Compulsory Access to Mountains, with
no Personal Option in the matter. This was what the people needed, I
said--they needed to be made to climb mountains, beginning with Box
Hill. On Bank Holidays, I remarked, they never go to the top. They
stay where the beer is. I would have a staff of Inspectors, to see
that they went. The general limbs and lungs would be greatly improved,
and the sale of whiskey, from private stills, would be increased.

This unlucky remark divided my Party. The Free Kirk Minister wore a
blue ribbon, and was a Temperance-at-any-price politician. Two of "The
Men," however,--a kind of inspired Highland prophets--had a still of
their own, and they and the Minister nearly came to blows. The Party
then withdrew, giving three cheers for Mr. GLADSTONE, but not pledging
themselves to vote for me.

The Eight Hours' people were at me next. I said I saw that the Bill
would provide employment for a number of people, but I added, that I
did not see who was to pay the wages, nor who was to buy the goods.
For, I remarked, you certainly cannot compete with foreign countries
at this rate, and at home the Classes will be competing with _you_,
being obliged to have recourse to manual labour. They said that was
just what they wanted, everybody to labour with his hands. I answered
that many of the Classes, a poor lot at best (_cheers_), would come
on the Parish. Who was to pay the rates when everybody was working,
and nobody was buying what was made? If there were no markets, where
were you to sell your produce? They said they would live on the land.
I answered that the land would not support the population: you would
need to import bread-stuffs, with what were you going to pay for them?
I added that my heart was with them, but that they could only attain
their ends by massacring or starving three-fourths of the population,
and who knew how he himself might fare, with a three-to-one chance
against his survival? Suppose it did not come to that, I urged,
suppose the Bill gav