* *

[Illustration: ENCOURAGING, VERY!

_Cockney Art-Teacher_ (_newly arrived and nervous--after a long
silence_). "IF YOU _SHOULD_ SEE A CHANCE O' DRORIN' ANYTHING
CORRECTLY--DO SO!!" [_Collapse of expectant Student._]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

EXTRACTED FROM THE DIARY OF TOBY, M.P.

_House of Commons. Monday, May 2_.--"Would that midnight or Closure
would come!" murmured Prince ARTHUR just now, looking wearily up at
clock.

It is only eleven; still another hour; hard even for trained nerves.
For more than six hours been discussing Scotch Equivalent Grant.
CLARK's musical voice has floated through the House by the half hour.

[Illustration: "Curling himself up with delight."]

"A bagpipe with bronchitis nothing to it," says FARQUHARSON, curling
himself up with delight as he hears sounds that remind him of
his mountain home. HUNTER has relentlessly pursued the unhappy
LORD-ADVOCATE, and CALDWELL has thoroughly enjoyed himself. His life,
it will be remembered, was temporarily blighted by action of ROBERTSON
when he was Lord-Advocate. Got up, following CALDWELL in debate, and
dismissed a subject in a quarter of an hour's speech without reference
to oration hour-and-half long with which CALDWELL had delighted House.
Don't remember what the subject was, but never forget CALDWELL's
seething indignation, his righteous anger, his withering wrath.
ROBERTSON smiled in affected disregard; but very soon after he found
it convenient to withdraw from the focus of CALDWELL's eye, and take
refuge on the Scotch Bench. As for CALDWELL, he withdrew his support
from Ministers, tore up his ticket of membership as a Unionist, and
returned to the Gladstonian fold. A tragic story which SCOTT might
have worked up into three volumes had he been alive. He is not, but
CALDWELL is, and so are we--at least partially after this six hours'
talk round rates in Scotland, whether at ten shillings per head or
twelve shillings. At half past eleven human nature could stand it no
longer; progress reported although there still remained half-an-hour
available time.

_Business done_.--Scotch Members avenged Culloden.

[Illustration: "The Nose have it."]

_Tuesday_.--"Rather a mean thing for MARJORIBANKS to bolt in this way,
don't you think?" said CAMPBELL-BANNERMAN, walking out of House when
SINCLAIR showed signs of following CALDWELL. "Says he has some County
Council meeting in Scotland. Went