when the stretcher-party would appear, for the
grass was damp and the April wind was chilly; but it was not long
before a bright boy, rather over than under military age, ran up and,
after a brief glance at me, began to signal with great vigour. He
meant well, and out of consideration for his feelings I restrained a
desire to tell him that he was creating a beastly draught. However, I
asked him if he had any brandy, and, on receiving an answer in the
negative, groaned deeply.

"Are you very bad?" he asked.

"No," I replied; "but if I lie here much longer I'll catch cold. Tell
your people to hurry up."

When the stretcher-party arrived they decided that I had been shot in
the chest, and, to get at the wound, began to remove my garments, till
arrested by some virile language thrown off from the part affected.
Then they began to carry me towards the gate of the park, despite the
fact that the stretcher had been meant to hold someone about six
inches shorter than I. Almost immediately the rear man, tripping on a
root, fell on top of me, and the front man, being brought to a sudden
stop, sat on my feet. When we had sorted ourselves out, and I had
stopped talking, more from lack of breath than of matter, we resumed
our journey.

After a matter of some three hundred yards the bearers began to feel
tired, and, suddenly rolling me off the stretcher, they informed me
that I was discharged as cured. Thus rapidly does a soldier of the
Volunteers recover. It speaks volumes not only for their high state of
physical condition but for the resilience of their _moral_.

* * * * *

Intelligent Anticipation.

"Bucharest, 8.--The 'Universul' has opened a list of
subscriptions in favour of the widows and victims of the
coming Austro-Roumanian war."--_Balkan News._

* * * * *

"'WHERE ANGELS FEAR TO TREAD' AT THE ---- PICTURE
THEATRE."--_Hastings Observer._

The management doesn't mind so long as the fools rush in.

* * * * *

"The Smyth-Pigotts are the owners of Brockley Court and
Brockley Hall, near Congresbury, a pretty village which--like
Majoribanks--is pronounced Coomesbury."--_Daily Sketch._

Just as, according to the old story, Cholmondeley is pronounced
Marjoribanks.

* * * * *

"Monster Carnival! In aid of Returned Soldiers' Association.
Novel Attrac