wealth for Moral Dramatists. In this dramatic version the Author has
tried to infuse something of the old Greek sense of an overruling
destiny, without detriment to prevailing ideas of moral responsibility.
Those who have the misfortune to be born with a propensity for illicit
jam, may learn from our Drama the terrible results of failing to
overcome it early in life.

DRAMATIS PERSONAE

_Jam-loving Joe._ By that renowned Melodramatic Serio-Comic, Miss CONNIE
CURDLER.

_Joe's Mother_ (_the very part for_ Mrs. BANCROFT _if she can only be
induced to make her re-appearance_).

_John, a Gardener._ By the great Pink-eyed Unmusical Zulu.

_Jim-Jam, the Fermentation Fiend._ By Mr. BEERBOHM TREE (_who has kindly
consented to undertake the part_).

_Chorus of Plum and Pear Gatherers, from the Savoy_ (_by kind permission
of_ Mr. D'OYLY CARTE).

SCENE.--_The Store-room at sunset, with view of exterior of Jam
Cupboard, and orchard in distance._

_Enter_ JOE.

"As JOE was at play, Near the cupboard one day, When he thought no one
saw him but himself."--_Vide Poem._

_Joe_ (_dreamily_). 'Tis passing strange that I so partial am
To playing in the neighbourhood of Jam!

[_Here_ Miss CURDLER _will introduce her great humorous Satirical
Medley, illustrative of the Sports of Childhood, and entitled, "Some
Little Gymes we all of us 'ave Plied;" after which, Enter_ JOE'S
_Mother, followed by_ JOHN _and the Chorus, with baskets, ladders, &c.,
for gathering fruit._

"His Mother and JOHN, To the garden had gone, To gather ripe
pears and ripe plums."--_Poem._

_Joe's Mother_ (_with forced cheerfulness_)--

Let's hope, my friends, to find our pears and plums,
Unharmed by wopses, and untouched by wums.

[_Chorus signify assent in the usual manner by holding up the right
hand._

_Solo_--JOHN.

Fruit when gathered ripe, is wholesome--
Otherwise if eaten green.
Once I knew a boy who stole some--
[_With a glance at_ JOE, who turns aside to conceal his
confusion.
His internal pangs were keen!

_Chorus_ (_virtuously_). 'Tis the doom of all who're mean,
Their internal pangs are keen!

_Joe's Mother_ (_aside_). By what misgivings is a mother
tortured!
I'll keep my eye on JOSEPH in the orchard.
[_She invites him with a gesture to follow._

_Joe_ (_earnestly_). Nay, Mother, here I'll stay till