tand it any longer, Sir, not for a moment. D'ye hear, you miserable
turnip-faced bumpkin, d'ye hear?" (_Carried away by histrionic
enthusiasm_, SPINKS _brings his fist down violently on the precise spot
where a table ought to be, but is not, standing. As a natural result, he
hits himself with much force on his leg. The others laugh, and the
Ladies turn away giggling, feeling that they ought to be sympathetic.
The unfortunate_ SPINKS _hurts himself considerably, and is furious.
Coming, as it were, right out of the part, and being temporarily himself
again, only in a rage, he addresses the Stage Manager._) Upon my soul,
BOLDERO, this is perfectly infamous. How often have I begged you to get
that table placed there _at all costs_, and time after time you forget
it. I know what it is; you want to make me ridiculous. But you'll be
d---- (_suddenly remembers that ladies are present, and substitutes a
milder expletive_)--confoundedly sorry for yourself when you find I'm
too lame to act, and the whole of your precious piece will be ruined.
You'll none of you get notices worth twopence from the critics.
[_Limps up and down the Stage._

_Miss Amelia Slimper_ (_rather a novice, and anxious to make useful
acquaintances among the distinguished Amateurs--to_ Miss KITTY,
_whispering_). Are they very keen about notices?

_Miss Kitty_ (_experienced in Amateurs_). Keen! I should think they
were. They talk about nothing else when it's over.

_Boldero_ (_peaceably_). Well, SPINKS, you know you smashed two tables
last week, and I thought we agreed to rehearse without one. But I'll see
it's there next time. Now then, JARP! Where's JARP? This is his
entrance. Where the deuce is he? (_Enter_ JARP _as_ "Mr. BINNS, _Butler
to_ Lord SHORTHORN"). Dear me, JARP, what have you been up to?

_Jarp_ (_vexed_). What have I been up to? I'll tell you. I've been
learning my part, and it would be a good thing if everybody were to
follow my example, instead of talking all day.

_Boldero._ JARP, don't be sarcastic. It doesn't suit you. Let's see if
you know your part, after all this.

JARP (_as_ BINNS, _without moving a muscle_). "'Er Ladyship's
compliments, Colonel DEBENHAM, and she would like to see you."

_Spinks_ (_as_ DEBENHAM). "Very well. Tell her I'll come."

_Jarp_ (_as_ BINNS). "Yes, Sir."

[_Exit_ JARP _as_ BINNS, _but immediately becomes_ JARP, _and complains
to the young Ladies that these fellows never will rehearse properly. The
profes