one
hundred years.

The publication of a letter from Mr. ROOSEVELT, censuring President
WILSON for the prolixity and verbosity of his Presidential messages,
will, it is believed, lend a powerful impetus to the campaign on behalf
of brevity in public utterances.

* * * * *

"YOUNG LADY APPRENTICE WANTED--must be tall to learn all higher
branches of the trade."--_Advt. in_ (_our favourite news-paper_)
"_The Hairdressers Weekly Journal_."

You want to be tall to reach up to the higher branches.

* * * * *
From an Aberdeen firm's advertisement:--

Success comes in Cans, not in Can'ts.

Once-a-year Clearance.

To-day and Following Days.

Wonder Values!

Stimulants to Encourage Purchasers.

In the cans, we suppose.

* * * * *

A GOLF JUDGMENT.

(_To the Editor of "Punch."_)

Dear Sir,--As I am not at all satisfied with the recent decision of The
Rules of Golf Committee on the position created by a cow carrying off a
ball in her hoof, I appeal to you to arbitrate in the following dispute
between myself and my friend A (for I am too courteous to expose his
actual name).

During some very wild weather we made an arrangement, before starting
out, that, in the event of another storm coming on, the game should be
decided by the score existing at the moment of our consequent
retirement.

A was in receipt of six bisques. I holed out the first in five. A, who
was in well-deserved trouble all the way, holed out in ten. I remarked,
"One up!" to which A made no response. As we moved off to the second tee
there was a loud clap of thunder and the heavens burst over our heads. A
at once shouted above the tumult, "I take my six bisques and claim the
hole and the match." He then headed swiftly for the pavilion.

I cannot believe that he was justified in his claim. What do _you_
think?

Yours faithfully, FAIR PLAY.

_Editor's Decision._--The original arrangement was bad in Golf Law. The
match is therefore off, and each party must pay his own costs.

* * * * *

TOO GOOD TO BE TRUE.

"Do you believe in magic?" Jack asked.

I hedged.

"Well, whether you do or not," he said, "I've got a rather rum story for
you."

"Go ahead," I replied.

"Very well," he said. "It was on last Tuesday morning that I looked in
at the watchmaker's to see if my watch was mend