it's a fizzle,' I said, 'what about my L750?'

"'It won't be,' he replied. 'It's magic. Let's order something to eat.'

"He ate; that is the advantage of being on ten per cent. commission. I
couldn't."

Jack paused.

"Go on," I said. "Did the horses win?"

"Every one," he replied.

"At those prices?"

"Yes."

"Then you're frightfully rich?"

"No," he said.

"Why ever not? Surely the bookies haven't refused to pay?"

"Oh no."

"Then why aren't you rich?"

"Because I did the usual silly thing--I woke up."

* * * * *

"The Cafe Chantant.

To the Editor of 'The Evening Post.'

Sir,--In writing on the 4th February I omitted from the lists of
names of two of our kind helpers at the Cafe Chantant, Messrs.
Le Cheminant and the Victoria Dairy. Will you kindly allow me to
do so now. Yours faithfully, M. P. PIPON."

_"The Evening Post," Jersey._

Apparently the Editor wouldn't!

* * * * *

"Yesterday a metal-gilt chandelier, 5ft. high, with branches for
twenty-five lights, and numerous cut-glass pendants, fell at the
one bid of half a guinea. The purchaser, who was sitting under
it, seemed to be the most surprised person in the room."

_Daily Telegraph._

If it fell on his head, we fear he must have been pained as well as
surprised.

* * * * *

"N.B.--Welsh rarebit is most nourishing, and, with a plate of
soap, makes an excellent dinner." _Bombay Gazette._

The soap, however nourishing, should be disguised; otherwise your guests
will misunderstand you.

* * * * *

[Illustration: _Stewardess._ "We are just nearing the harbour, Madam.
Would you like some hot water?"

_Passenger_ (_faintly_). "It doesn't matter, thank you; I'm only going
to relations."]

* * * * *

LETTERS AND LIFE.

Preparations are already on foot for the great banquet to be given in
honour of the famous Russian novelist, Dr. Ladislas Plovskin, who is to
visit England in July. A representative committee has been formed, which
includes, amongst others, Sir GILBERT PARKER, Mr. CHARLES GARVICE, Mr.
SILAS HOCKING, Mr. C. K. SHORTER, Lord DUNSANY, Mr. JAMES DOUGLAS and
Mr. EDMUND GOSSE, who will take the chair at the banquet. There is a
peculiar appropriateness in this, for it was Mr. GOSSE who, some ten
years ago, f