rs of our crack oars.]

Oh, OOMS was a champion brave and bold,
The Dutchman's pride was he;
And he cried, "I can row on the Thames, I know,
As well as the Zuyder Zee,
As well as the Zuyder Zee!"
And as his boat he set afloat,
And looked o'er the Henley tide,
He saw all England taking note,
And he trimmed his sculls and cried:--(_Bis._)
"I'll win those 'Sculls!'" said he,
"The 'Diamond Sculls' for me!
That the world may know, wherever I go
Thames yields to the Zuyder Zee!" (_Bis._)

Cried JOHN BULL, "Here! You Dutchman queer.
To-day you must row with me;
For while I ride Thames' silver tide,
I'll be second to none," said he;
"I'll be second to none," said he.
So they blazed away at that Dutchman gay,
Stout NICKALS, brave BOYD, and all--
_But_ the Dutchman's ship our best did whip,
And BULL cried to his merry men all, (_bis_)
"We're whipped, boys, for once," said he,
"It's a whip that's a licker to me."
Right well OOMS pulls, and the 'Diamond Sculls'
Are gone to the Zuyder Zee!
VAN TROMP with his broom made free,
But this OOMS has "swept" Hen-ley.
Here's his health! But oh! those Sculls, you know,
Must come back from the Zuyder Zee."

* * * * *

SOME COMFORT.--Harrow beat Eton at Lords' last week. The Etonians have
some consolation in the fact of the Head-Master of Harrow being an
Etonian. Without doing violence to their feelings, they can simply
pronounce the Head-Master's name, and say, "_Well done, Harrow!_"

* * * * *

NEW READING OF AN OLD GREEK PROVERB (_by a disappointed Author, whose
Work has been recently cut up in the Press_).--"[Greek: Kretai aei
Pseustai]." _I.e._, "Critics are always liars."

* * * * *

[Illustration: UNFAIR ADVANTAGE.

_Gladstonian Dentist_ (_to Tory Patient_). "I HAVE THE MOST PROFOUND
ADMIRATION--MOUTH A LITTLE MORE OPEN, THANKS--FOR THAT GREAT MAN,
GLADSTONE,--AND IT WAS ONLY LAST WEEK--&c. &c. &c."]

* * * * *

ON THE FLY-LEAF OF AN OLD BOOK.

It's long been loose; at last it's quite
Come out--the very thing to write
My laundry list on. Think what might
Have been upon it!
Some lines by GOLDSMITH, neatly planned,
A verse by BYRON, mighty grand,
Or even, penned by SHAKSPEARE's hand,