d praying to Katya's image, and Grushenka
understood it. She understood it all then. I remember, she cried
herself.... Damn it all! But it's bound to be so now.... Then she cried,
but now 'the dagger in the heart'! That's how women are."

He looked down and sank into thought.

"Yes, I am a scoundrel, a thorough scoundrel!" he said suddenly, in a
gloomy voice. "It doesn't matter whether I cried or not, I'm a scoundrel!
Tell her I accept the name, if that's any comfort. Come, that's enough.
Good-by. It's no use talking! It's not amusing. You go your way and I
mine. And I don't want to see you again except as a last resource.
Good-by, Alexey!"

He warmly pressed Alyosha's hand, and still looking down, without raising
his head, as though tearing himself away, turned rapidly towards the town.

Alyosha looked after him, unable to believe he would go away so abruptly.

"Stay, Alexey, one more confession to you alone!" cried Dmitri, suddenly
turning back. "Look at me. Look at me well. You see here, here--there's
terrible disgrace in store for me." (As he said "here," Dmitri struck his
chest with his fist with a strange air, as though the dishonor lay
precisely on his chest, in some spot, in a pocket, perhaps, or hanging
round his neck.) "You know me now, a scoundrel, an avowed scoundrel, but
let me tell you that I've never done anything before and never shall
again, anything that can compare in baseness with the dishonor which I
bear now at this very minute on my breast, here, here, which will come to
pass, though I'm perfectly free to stop it. I can stop it or carry it
through, note that. Well, let me tell you, I shall carry it through. I
shan't stop it. I told you everything just now, but I didn't tell you
this, because even I had not brass enough for it. I can still pull up; if
I do, I can give back the full half of my lost honor to-morrow. But I
shan't pull up. I shall carry out my base plan, and you can bear witness
that I told you so beforehand. Darkness and destruction! No need to
explain. You'll find out in due time. The filthy back-alley and the
she-devil. Good-by. Don't pray for me, I'm not worth it. And there's no
need, no need at all.... I don't need it! Away!"

And he suddenly retreated, this time finally. Alyosha went towards the
monastery.

"What? I shall never see him again! What is he saying?" he wondered
wildly. "Why, I shall certainly see him to-morrow. I shall look him up. I
shall make a point of it.