As the affair was being explained to me I remember I was terrified, but
very soon, and as soon as I realised the situation, which it must be
remembered the people on the Road would do almost instantaneously, this
feeling entirely left me. And the next feeling, a very forcible one,
was rather extraordinary, being as it was an overpowering feeling of
solitude. It was evening, and twenty or thirty of us were all in a
large classroom together, and for many minutes I felt more lonely than
I ever had before; I felt cut off from all those around me, and I see
that, as Peer Gynt would have said, "I had become myself." As has
already been said, I was not frightened, and what I did in those
minutes was to work. It was "prep-time," and it is an interesting
fact, as bearing out what has already been said both about the
establishment of individuality with consequent opportunities of
concentration, and also about the maintenance of reason, that I was
able to "do" in those minutes, and do better than usual, the work that
generally demanded more than the allotted hour.
Very soon, however, the feeling of solitude passed away and its place
was taken by a feeling of exactly the opposite nature, a feeling of
Unity, of extraordinary fellowship, followed by a wonderful sensation
of happiness. All this sounds rather grotesque, and the continued use
of these rather meaningless epithets is very ineffectual in expressing
what they are meant to convey. But it must be remembered that the
position is altogether an extraordinary one; and the feelings and
sensations resulting from such a position were extraordinary at the
time and still are extraordinary. The position seems quite unique; it
is difficult to imagine where and how else that same mental condition
could be produced: older people would not have credited the story even
for the short time that we did, and younger children would not have had
the independence of thought and imagination to picture and contemplate
the situation. At the time it was my good fortune to experience things
which I have never experienced before or since, and which I believe few
ever have experienced.
However, you ask for a return to the question of whether goodness is an
immanent reality in human nature; you ask perhaps, in view of the
incident described, "If it had been in your power to do something at
that time which was supremely pleasurable but at the same time contrary
to your moral ideas, would you
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