itting on his stile no stylish person knows.
Perfumers men of scents must be; some Scilly men are bright;
A brown man oft deep read we see, a black a wicked wight.

Most wealthy men good manors have, however vulgar they;
And actors still the harder slave the oftener they play;
So poets can't the baize obtain, unless their tailors choose;
While grooms and coachmen, not in vain, each evening seek the Mews.

The dyer, who by dyeing lives, a dire life maintains;
The glazier, it is known, receives his profits for his panes;
By gardeners thyme is tied, 'tis true, when spring is in its prime,
But time or tide won't wait for you if you are tied for time.

Then now you see, my little dears, the way to make a pun;
A trick which you, through coming years, should sedulously shun;
The fault admits of no defence; for wheresoe'er 'tis found,
You sacrifice for sound the sense; the sense is never sound.

So let your words and actions too, one single meaning prove,
And, just in all you say or do, you'll gain esteem and love;
In mirth and play no harm you'll know when duty's task is done,
But parents ne'er should let you go unpunished for a pun!

_Theodore Hook._

THE WAR: A-Z

An Austrian Archduke, assaulted and assailed,
Broke Belgium's barriers, by Britain bewailed,
Causing consternation, confused chaotic crises;
Diffusing destructive, death dealing devices.
England engaged earnestly, eager every ear,
France fought furiously, forsaking foolish fear,
Great German garrisons grappled Gallic guard,
Hohenzollern Hussars hammered, heavy, hard.
Infantry, Imperial, Indian, Irish, intermingling,
Jackets jaunty, joking, jesting, jostling, jingling.
Kinetic, Kruppised Kaiser, kingdom's killing knight,
Laid Louvain lamenting, London lacking light,
Mobilising millions, marvellous mobility,
Numberless nonentities, numerous nobility.
Oligarchies olden opposed olive offering,
Prussia pressed Paris, Polish protection proffering,
Quaint Quebec quickly quartered quotidian quota,
Renascent Russia, resonant, reported regal rota.
Scotch soldiers, sterling, songs stalwart sung,
"Tipperary" thundered through titanic tongue.
United States urging unarmament, unwanted,
Visualised victory vociferously vaunted,
Wilson's warnings wasted, world war wild,
Xenian Nanthochroi Nantippically X-iled.
Yorkshire's young yeomen yelling youthfully,
"Zigzag Zeppelins, Zuyder Zee."