m having just heard that he has engaged the services of
several of the most prominent London Detectives to trace me!

Owing no devotion now to Sir CHARLES--who will appreciate the
following tender lines with which I close my letter--

O woman! in our hours of ease,
Thou art not _very_ hard to please!
Thou takest what the gods may send;
But, thwarted!--thou wilt turn and rend!

I am able to subscribe myself, dear _Mr. Punch_,

Yours more devotedly than ever,

LADY GAY.

[From internal evidence, we are inclined to believe that this present
letter, or the one last week from "Sir CHARLES," is a forgery. In
former correspondence Lady GAY mentioned "Lord ARTHUR" as her husband.
We pause for an explanation.--ED.]

* * * * *

PROVERB FOR VOCALISTS, A PROPOS OF SIR JOSEPH BARNBY'S REMARKS ON
ARTICULATION.--"Take care of the sense, and the sounds will take care
of themselves."

* * * * *

Why is pepper essential to the health of the new LORD MAYOR?--Because
without "Kn." (cayenne) he would be "ill."

* * * * *

[Illustration: NATURE AND ART.

_A.R.A._ "BY GEORGE, THIS VIEW'S MAGNIFICENT! I SAY, FLUFFER, YOU
REALLY OUGHT TO HAVE THOSE WOODS PAINTED."

_Mr. Fluffer_ (_late in the Upholstery line, retired._) "'M--M. DO YOU
THINK THAT WOULD IMPROVE 'EM? WHAT COLOUR, NOW?"]

* * * * *

LEFT TO THE LADIES.

MY DEAR MR. PUNCH,

Everyone--I mean everyone with a right mind--will sympathise with
those nice people at Bristol who have been holding a "Woman's
Conference." So kind and thoughtful of them, isn't it? I notice
that Lady BATTERSEA gave a spirited account of a Confederation
of Temperance of some thirty villages in Norfolk. The dear, good
inhabitants are to keep off the allurements of drink by "listening to
such shining lights as Canon WILBERFORCE, and social teas, processions
with banners, and magic-lanterns, play their part." How they are
to listen to the teas, processions and lanterns, I don't quite
understand, in spite of the fact that they (the aforesaid teas, &c.)
seem to be "playing their parts." Evidently teas, &c., are amateur
Actors.

Then somebody who described herself as "a nobody from nowhere," is
said to have "touched a moving chord, as she spoke with great feeling
of the sympathy and the moral help the poor give back to those who
work among them." What "moving c