in't an 'Orse Marine.

The Missis sits upon the barge the same's she used to sit,
But they'll 'ave 'er in the papers now for doin' of her bit;
An' I walk upon the tow-path 'ere as proud as anything--
If I 'aven't got no uniform I'm serving of the KING.

An' it's "Gee-hup, Mabel," an' we'll do the best we're able,
For the country's been an' called us, an' we've got to 'elp to
win;
An' when the War is over, oh, we'll all lie down in clover,
With a drink all together at the "Navigation Inn."

C.F.S.

* * * * *

[Illustration: OUR MIXED ARMY.

_First Recruit_. "'ERE--TELL OLD BALD-'EAD TO BUNG THE SALT OVER."

_Second Recruit_. "ER--MIGHT I TROUBLE YOU FOR THE SALT, SIR?"]

* * * * *

THE OPEN DOOR.

Mr. Punch has thought that some of his hospitable readers might be
glad to have the opportunity of giving the welcome of their houses,
in however simple a way, to Australian soldiers on leave, who would
greatly appreciate the chance of seeing something of English home
life. An "Invitation Bureau" has been opened at the "Anzac" Buffet,
94, Victoria Street, where offers of entertainment should be
addressed.

* * * * *

"The Military Representative appealed against the exemption
of William Blake, aged 35, unmarried, a slaughterman in the
employment of Mr. George Rigg, pork butcher. The Military
Representative suggested that Mr. Rigg should slaughter
himself. Mr. Rigg stated that he could not slaughter
himself."--_Carlisle Journal_.

Compare _The Mikado_:--

_Koko_. "Besides, I don't see how a man could cut off his own head."

_Pooh-Bah_. "A man might try."

* * * * *

[Illustration: HIS LATEST.

THE KAISER. "THIS IS SORRY WORK FOR A HOHENZOLLERN; STILL, NECESSITY
KNOWS NO TRADITIONS."]

* * * * *

ESSENCE OF PARLIAMENT.

_Monday, May 7th_.--The Royal House has found an unexpected defender
in Mr. OUTHWAITE. He alone has perceived the hidden danger underlying
the recent proposal of the Lower House of Convocation to restore
KING CHARLES I. to his old place in the Church Calendar. This, he
considers, is a direct encouragement to the persons who seek the
restoration of the Stuart dynasty, and would make Prince RUPPRECHT of
Bavaria heir-apparent to the British Throne. The House was relieved
to hear fr