this were the worst of the evil, it were to be
supported, because they are generally men of some figure and use; though
I know no pretence they have to an honour which had its rise from
chivalry. But if you travel into the counties of Great Britain, we are
still more imposed upon by innovation. We are indeed derived from the
field: but shall that give title to all that ride mad after foxes, that
halloo when they see a hare, or venture their necks full speed after a
hawk, immediately to commence esquires? No, our order is temperate,
cleanly, sober, and chaste; but these rural esquires commit immodesties
upon haycocks, wear shirts half a week, and are drunk twice a day. These
men are also to the last degree excessive in their food: an esquire of
Norfolk eats two pounds of dumpling every meal, as if obliged to it by
our order: an esquire of Hampshire is as ravenous in devouring hogs'
flesh: one of Essex has as little mercy on calves. But I must take the
liberty to protest against them, and acquaint those persons, that it is
not the quantity they eat, but the manner of eating, that shows a
squire. But above all, I am most offended at small quillmen, and
transcribing clerks, who are all come into our order, for no reason that
I know of, but that they can easily flourish it at the end of their
name. I'll undertake, that if you read the superscriptions to all the
offices in the kingdom, you will not find three letters directed to any
but esquires. I have myself a couple of clerks, and the rogues make
nothing of leaving messages upon each other's desk: one directs, to
"Degory Goosequill, Esq."; to which the other replies by a note, to
"Nehemiah Dashwell, Esq.; with respect." In a word, it is now, _populus
armigerorum_, a people of esquires. And I don't know, but, by the late
Act of Naturalisation,[232] foreigners will assume that title, as part
of the immunity of being Englishmen. All these improprieties flow from
the negligence of the Heralds' Office. Those gentlemen in parti-coloured
habits do not so rightly, as they ought, understand themselves; though
they are dressed _cap-a-pie_ in hieroglyphics, they are inwardly but
ignorant men. I asked an acquaintance of mine, who is a man of wit, but
of no fortune, and is forced to appear as Jack Pudding on the stage to a
mountebank: "Prithee, Jack, why is your coat of so many colours?" He
replied, "I act a fool, and this spotted dress is to signify, that every
man living has a weak pl