be but Monsieur Guardeloop, mine
and Ramble's French tailor, attended by others, leading one of Madame
Depingle's[139] maids to the church, in order to their espousals. It was
his sword tucked so high above his waist, and the circumflex which
persons of his profession take in their walking, that made him appear at
a distance wounded and falling. But the morning being rainy, methought
the march to this wedding was but too lively a picture of wedlock
itself. They seemed both to have a month's mind to make the best of
their way single; yet both tugged arm in arm; and when they were in a
dirty way, he was but deeper in the mire, by endeavouring to pull out
his companion, and yet without helping her. The bridegroom's feathers in
his hat all drooped, one of his shoes had lost an heel. In short, he was
in his whole person and dress so extremely soused, that there did not
appear one inch or single thread about him unmarried.[140] Pardon me,
that the melancholy object still dwells upon me so far, as to reduce me
to punning. However, we attended to the chapel, where we stayed to hear
the irrevocable words pronounced upon our old servant, and made the best
of our way to town. I took a resolution to forbear all married persons,
or any, in danger of being such, for four-and-twenty hours at least;
therefore dressed, and went to visit Florimel, the vainest thing in
town, where I knew would drop in Colonel Picket, just come from the
camp, her professed admirer. He is of that order of men who has much
honour and merit, but withal a coxcomb; the other of that set of
females, who has innocence and wit, but the first of coquettes. It is
easy to believe, these must be admirers of each other. She says, "The
Colonel rides the best of any man in England": the Colonel says, "She
talks the best of any woman." At the same time, he understands wit just
as she does horsemanship. You are to know, these extraordinary persons
see each other daily; and they themselves, as well as the town, think it
will be a match: but it can never happen that they can come to the
point; for instead of addressing to each other, they spend their whole
time in reports of themselves. He is satisfied if he can convince her he
is a fine gentleman, and a man of consequence; and she, in appearing to
him an accomplished lady and a wit, without further design. Thus he
tells her of his manner of posting his men at such a pass, with the
numbers he commanded on that detachment: she