spicions of his skill asleep, as he almost had
done mine, till I observed him very dangerously turn his discourse upon
the elegance of her dress, and her judgment in the choice of that very
pretty mourning. Having had women before under my care, I trembled at
the apprehension of a man of sense, who could talk upon trifles, and
resolved to stick to my post with all the circumspection imaginable. In
short, I prepossessed her against all he could say to the advantage of
her dress and person; but he turned again the discourse, where I found I
had no power over her, on the abusing her friends and acquaintance. He
allowed indeed, that Flora had a little beauty, and a great deal of wit;
but then she was so ungainly in her behaviour, and such a laughing
hoyden--Pastorella had with him the allowance of being blameless: but
what was that towards being praiseworthy? To be only innocent, is not to
be virtuous. He afterwards spoke so much against Mrs. Dipple's forehead,
Mrs. Prim's mouth, Mrs. Dentifrice's teeth, and Mrs. Fidget's cheeks,
that she grew downright in love with him: for it is always to be
understood, that a lady takes all you detract from the rest of her sex
to be a gift to her. In a word, things went so far, that I was
dismissed, and she will remember that evening nine months, from the 6th
of April, by a very remarkable token. The next, as I said, I went to was
a common swearer: never was creature so puzzled as myself when I came
first to view his brain; half of it was worn out, and filled up with
mere expletives, that had nothing to do with any other parts of the
texture; therefore, when he called for his clothes in a morning, he
would cry, 'John--?' John does not answer. 'What a plague! Nobody there?
What the devil, and rot me! John, for a lazy dog as you are.' I knew no
way to cure him, but by writing down all he said one morning as he was
dressing, and laying it before him on the toilet when he came to pick
his teeth. The last recital I gave him of what he said for half an hour
before, was, 'What, a pox rot me! Where is the washball? Call the
chairmen: damn them, I warrant they are at the ale-house already!
Zounds, and confound them.' When he came to the glass, he takes up my
note--'Ha! this fellow is worse than me: what, does he swear with pen
and ink?' But reading on, he found them to be his own words. The
stratagem had so good an effect upon him, that he grew immediately a new
man, and is learning to speak withou