or not. The only precaution _I_ take is to carry in my pocket a thick
veil, which I pop on if I see anybody with evidences of "style" about
them coming my way; fortunately, this has only happened once, when
I met a certain well-known "Merry Duchess" and her charming little
daughter, who both failed to penetrate my disguise!

I am sorry that my selected horse for the Windsor June Handicap did
not run--though the word of command was given, "_Macready_!"--he was
not told to be "present!"--being presumably short of a gallop or two,
and therefore lacking "fire!" This little series of jokes is proudly
dedicated to the _Military_, and _Civilians_ are "warned off!"--which
is another turf expression. The much-needed rain has come at last,
and the Heath should be in fine condition, which was more than its
namesake at Ascot was, and all for want of a little attention--I am
told that the far end was all in lumps, which caused the "_Lover_" to
come down in his race--though that was hardly a surprise, as we know
that "the course of true love never _did_ run smooth!"

Now--dear _Mr. Punch_, if you want a few hours' fresh air, command the
special train, which I am told, is kept in readiness for you at every
London Terminus, to transport you--(not for your _country's_ good,
but _your own_)--to Sheepsdoor, Kent, where you shall receive a
hearty welcome--Lord ARTHUR is not with me, but my French maid will
_chaperon_ us--_if necessary_.

Yours devotedly,
LADY GAY.

STUD PRODUCE SELECTION.

To a Circus in Lancashire, once I went,
To see a performing dog dance!
But, my money in vain I found I'd spent,
For I much prefer a "_Clog Dance_."

* * * * *

THE TWO SARAS OF THE SEASON.--SARA BERNHARDT and SARA SATE.

* * * * *

[Illustration: UNA AND THE BRITISH LION.

A CARTOON FROM A BIRMINGHAM COLLECTION.]

_Whereto a Brummagem Bard hath set these Spenserian Stanzas._

[Mr. CHAMBERLAIN, in his Election Address, explains how he
has co-operated with the Conservative Government in order to
maintain the Union between Great Britain and Ireland.]

The lyon would not leave her desolate,
But with her went along as a strong gard
Of her chast person, and a faithfull mate
Of her sad troubles and misfortunes hard;
And over her he kept both watch and ward,
With the assistance of two valiant knightes,
Prince ARTHURE, and the Red Crosse Pala